Seigikan
by Fyyrrose
Summary: A journey through Raito's eyes as he goes about his normal routine. Mind games included. RaitoL Rating went up due to mature content.
1. Part i

Title: Seigikan

Author: Fyyrrose

Genre: general

Pairing: Raito/L-ish

Disclaimer: Sadly, not mine. It would have ended different if it was…

Summary: A journey through Raito's eyes as he goes about his normal routine. Mind games included. Slight RaitoL

Summary 2: Raito fucks (with) L (thank you loving Beta (E) for that one)

Notes: I tried to keep Raito in character. I hope it worked. Enjoy!

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You know it's a good day when you wake up and the sun is shining, the birds are singing and Kira is on the front page of the paper. I simply smirk and read the paper quietly as my mother prepared breakfast and I sip a cup of hot, black coffee. Coffee is my morning essential. I am a god, but I was still human. I didn't need the bold, flavorful drink, but I liked the buzz the caffeine gave me as my brain woke up. A nice robust kick-start to a perfect day. 

I could hear my mother speaking to me in the foreground. She was talking about my interest in Kira. It could be because I was admiring how I took front page. Well not me, the pseudo me, the part of me that for so long had been oppressed and shoved into the recesses of my entire being. The press loved me. People loved me—they could finally sleep peacefully at night because there was a god-like human watching over them.

Devine justice. Holy punishment. I love how it sounded. There was still much I needed to do before I gave up being Kira. The way things were going, I could be Kira until the end of time. That was human nature. A funny breed, humans. I think of myself as above their meaningless thoughts and petty squabbles. Of course, I was above them. I always have been, always will be. That was the plain and simple truth.

The walk to university was uneventful and the peons that walked past me were not even given a second glance. Of course, I kept up the appearance of being the perfect specimen. I was smart, personable, and damn sexy. Oh no, there's no narcissistic complex here—it's just another statement of facts; my genetics were damn good.

A week would never go by when I wasn't approached by a talent agent or a modeling scout begging me to come join their company. I didn't like the spotlight. It drew too much attention. If I was always being watched, then I couldn't freely be Kira.

Kira was society's answer to the sloth that reigned over the world.

Who would dish out the justice that this world so badly needed? Surely it wouldn't be the do-gooder L. He couldn't find Kira if I had the name written on my forehead.

Granted, he did suspect me, but how else was I supposed to find out information? Mind games were my favorite pastime. It was like the Americans and their baseball, or football—depending on the season. And I do realize that was a horrible analogy; I should strike it from my thought.

When I first made an oath to myself that I would be the reaper of Justice, I wondered if I would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and succumb to fear over the acts I've done. But no. I sleep soundly, snuggled beneath the sheets and I dream of who would go next, and how they would die. They were satisfying dreams I would make a reality the first chance I got. I usually woke in a pleasant mood because of the dreams.

I entered the University's property and I could immediately feel his eyes watching me, burning my flesh with his gaze. It was as if he was waiting and watching for my presence to enter onto the scene. The corners of my mouth turned up a little and I quickly, but elegantly, making it look natural, turned to the nearest person saying good morning to me. Show time. If he wanted to watch, I would give him something to watch. I just hoped he enjoyed the show.

There was no fun in it if I wasn't testing his limit. My percentage of being Kira was low, but his gaze was glued to me. This was a game of cat and mouse; only much more civilized. I heard the female population squeal as I flashed them a smile. I didn't even bother to look in his direction. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction, no matter how much I wanted to. I prided myself on my self-control. It was flawless; I was flawless. I knew he was furious and still watching me. I don't think even a hawk's gaze was this intense. It only caused me to bask in the sensation I was causing him to feel.

I entered the building and had the flock of lambs follow. They were an annoyance now. They served their purpose and were no longer needed. Once something wasn't needed, it was promptly discarded like the garbage it was. End of story.

I took a seat and he slid into the seat beside me. "Good morning," I purred as I took my notes out of my bag. I looked at him through the stray hair that fell into my eyes.

"I was waiting for you this morning." He sulked and adjusted his limbs in the seat. He didn't even notice the death glares from the people waiting to pounce on the open spots next to me.

"I'm terribly sorry. Had I have known, I wouldn't have kept you waiting." I smiled and looked at him. Of course I knew you were waiting and watching me, I could feel your eyes burn my skin. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of my gaze. "You have my attention now. Has something come up?" I asked innocently, not giving away that the great detective L was sitting next to me.

Then again I could probably tell everyone that the person next to me was L and I would most likely be called crazy. "Actually, I wanted your opinion on something."

Was that his cover, or was there really something he wanted to discuss with me? His motives and movements were erratic but predictable. Human nature always moved in a pattern. Of course there were hundreds of patterns, but they were patterns nonetheless. All I needed to do was pick the right one and everything would enfold without me doing a thing.

"Then how about after the last class? The café at the corner with the fresh deserts delivered everyday at 3?" It was sickening, he was practically drooling over the thought of the sugar injected sweets. To anyone situated around him, he would have looked normal, but I could predict his behavior and could see the mental drool frothing down his brain.

L bit on his big thumb as he considered my proposition. "Deal."

I spent the rest of class listening to the professor. Again, not once did I give a sideways glance to vile creature next to me. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if the professor called his name and asked if something was on my face because he wouldn't look away. Yes I am beautiful, yes I am perfect, and yes I am a god, so leave me alone. I deserved a medal for my performance. I was brilliant.

Class ended and before I could even move from my position, females (if they could be called that) flocked my surrounding table. It was utterly disgusting. I casually said a pleasant goodbye to Ryuzaki before being escorted off to the library to help out a fellow classmate. I would rather slit my wrists and write my own name in the Death Note, but sacrifices had to be made to maintain my identity as the perfect individual.

I finished up at the library and made my way over to the café. I knew Ryuzaki was paranoid about the general public. Having arrived just in time before the rush, I took a booth he would approve of and even took the opposite seat he would like to sit in. I was considerate, I know. It was fun playing with a paranoid L, but being at the same table as him when he was freaking out…thanks, I've already learnt that lesson the hard way.

I suppressed the urge to glance at my watch. I already knew he was watching me from outside. I could feel his eyes watching me. Actually, more than just Ryuzaki was watching me. Half of the people in here were either openly staring, hoping I wouldn't catch them, or glaring at be because of the said people watching me. Look, if you don't want your girlfriend, hell even your boyfriend drooling over me, then do something about it already, unless you really want me to take them away.

I look this way because I was born like this. Having a pretty face takes away my societal potential of being Kira. It was another point in my direction. Ryuzaki was officially late. I was about to leave when a fellow classmate from one of my advanced classes slipped into the seat across from me.

I smiled politely but on the inside I was ripping him to shreds. How dare he presume that he was able so sit so casually with me! The least he could have done was ask before he plopped his fat ass into the seat.

He apologized for his erratic behavior. That was a bonus for him. He pulled out a textbook and asked how to solve some equation dealing with ratios. He went on about if he failed the upcoming test and losing his reputation…I wasn't listening too hard. I was kind enough to show him how to solve it. The waitress came by and took our order. The guy didn't want anything, but I ordered two coffees and two slices of their famous strawberry shortcake with extra drizzling and strawberries.

I smiled and explained it was for the person I was waiting for. The guy got the hint. Another point for him. He thanked me and hurried off to whatever an imbecile like him did with his after school time. I didn't have to wait much longer before Ryuzaki made his appearance.

Ryuzaki slid into his seat and smiled sheepishly at me. Oh cut the crap, I knew you've been watching me for a while now. I smiled politely. "I took the liberty of ordering for you. I'm sure you won't mind."

The waitress came a few moments later and slid the plates onto the table. "Thank you." I smiled politely and turned to look at her.

"Will there be anything else for you?" I shook my head and she continued, "Well, if you need anything my name is Sakurako, so just call me." She placed her hand on my shoulder in a flirtatious style before she left.

If I had the Death Note on me, I would have opened it up and would have written her name on it for touching me so freely. The first thing I would need to do when I got home is burn my clothing.

I turned to look at my companion who was already on the second plate. "Are you enjoying it?" The question was rhetorical, but it demanded an answer.

"Yes. It's delicious. Why didn't you order yourself one?" Ryuzaki enquired as he shoved a strawberry off towards the side to save for later.

"Well, I did, but it would seem you are already taste testing it." I wouldn't eat that crap if my life depended on it. However, I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. Instead, I reached over and grabbed the strawberry that was off to the side and took a small bite out of it.

I could hear his mind calculating how my percentage of Kira rose 0.3 percent because of the stunt I just pulled. His dejected and horrified look almost made me cackle. It was priceless. I placed the half-eaten fruit on the side of my saucer as I added a creamer to the coffee.

As I had predicted, Ryuzaki took the eaten strawberry and ate it. I simply rose an eyebrow to his childish antics. See, people were predictable once you knew the path. "I do believe that was mine." I stated as I sipped my coffee.

"It was on my plate." Ryuzaki chided as liquid strawberry started to trail down the side of his mouth. His tongue darted out and tried to lick it up. It was utterly disgusting. I wanted nothing more than to hand him a napkin and wipe his face like I would a baby.

Instead, I sipped my coffee and prayed no one noticed. I was already used to his horrid posture and iron clad stomach for sweets. But everything he did made me hate him more. The coffee at the shop was strong and I needed to add a creamer to remove some of the harsh bitter bean flavor. I kept taking tiny, child-like sips from the cup. I needed to add a single cube to my coffee, but I knew to wait.

Ryuzaki's behavior was predictable. The moment he polished off both deserts he took his cup of coffee and plunked several cubes into his cup and took the liberty to toss a few into mine.

I scowled at his sheepish grin. Like I said, his moves were predictable. I smirked when I saw a dab of whipped cream from the shortcake on his cheek. I casually reached over and whipped it from his face. He was worse than a little kid when he ate.

What surprised me was when he grabbed my finger and noticed the white glob on my finger. Before I could pull away he stuck my finger in his mouth and sucked off the sugar. My eyes narrowed slightly as he sucked for a few seconds longer than necessary.

It was almost as if he was tempting me. I was sickened by it. I wouldn't let him win. Not this once. "Was that necessary?" I asked as I gently pulled my finger away. Before he could respond I stuck said finger in my own mouth and properly cleaned it off. "That was good." My lips turned slightly upward in a playful manner only reinforcing the seductive tone of my voice. "Perhaps I should've ordered an extra one."

I watched as his eyes widened. I would need a bottle of disinfectant and a rather large bottle of Listerine to destroy his cells that were lingering in my mouth. I won this round. I hid my smirk behind my cup and took a sip.

It was sweet, but not as sweet as the bitter-sweet victory I had just scored for myself. "So what is it you needed to talk to me about?"

"Oh that. I just wanted to know what kinds of deserts I should serve as lunch for our meeting on Saturday."

"Ryuzaki, I think people would appreciate real food instead of sugar. Older men should worry about getting a well balanced meal and not the unnecessary empty calories that sugar offers."

"Sugar isn't empty, it's chalk full of energy and goodness."

I had the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose. I somehow managed to hold myself back. My self-restraint was my pride, and it wouldn't fail me now. "Not everyone can digest sugar like you can. Not everyone likes sugar as you do."

Ryuzaki contemplated what I was saying as the waitress came back to refill our mugs. I managed to smile pleasantly and she managed not to spill coffee everywhere. I noticed Ryuzaki was trying to ask her for another dish of some sort. She was about to leave and poor Ryuzaki would have been sugarless this time around too.

Instead, I was the better person and stopped her. "Sakurako, would you perchance happen to have any of the Belgium whipped chocolate tarts left?"

"All we have are three of the white chocolates with strawberry tops."

I smiled and leaned forward giving her a false sense of security. "Could I possibly get the last three?" I added with a hint of too much sweetness. For some reason it always worked on the females. She blushed and hurried off to get what I requested.

"That wasn't very nice Raito-kun."

I sat back and gave him a tiny smile. "Would you have rather sat here while someone else ate the tarts?"

Ryuzaki nibbled on his thumb for a moment contemplating the choices he had. "No, I don't think I would."

"Then don't complain Ryuzaki-kun." I took another sip from the fresh coffee. It could use another creamer, but there was just a hint of sugar. This time I wouldn't let the fiend across from me toss in a lump or seven.

The deserts arrived and he popped one into his mouth. I half wondered how big his mouth really was. Then again I could say that a) I already knew and b) I didn't really care. I had full intention of eating one; I mean I did order three. I was civilized and used a fork. I hated getting my hands dirty.

I was just reaching over when Ryuzaki used his own fork, but not to grab the tart, it was to stab me in the hand in preventing me from getting the tart. I had had enough. I wasn't about to put up with this any longer.

"I assume you're paying this time again?"

"But I paid last time and you said the next time was your turn."

"I would have paid had someone not tried to stab me in the hand with a fork." I replied smoothly.

"If you want you can have this," Ryuzaki said with his mouth full only to open his mouth widely and showed me what a half eaten tort looked like. I thought I was going to lose whatever I had eaten for lunch. How undignified.

"I thank you for the offer, but maybe next time." I supplied before leaving. I was officially sickened to my very core. Ryuk was chuckling the entire way home. I would see him suffer too by withholding his required daily apple. I wasn't about to be the only one that would suffer.

On second thought, not giving the god of death his apple would slowly cause me to go insane. Ryuk was getting his apple. I could always punish him later. But first there was this insatiable urge to get clean. No one was home yet, which was nice. I went into my room and gathered a change of clothing.

This set would be burned. I was just ready to head into the bathroom when my cell phone went off. It was Ryuzaki wanting to know if I could stop by the hotel suite.

"Is it important or can I finish what I was starting?" I leaned against the entryway to the bathroom.

"It is urgent, but I guess you could wait until you are finished." His voice trailed off. "How long will you be?"

"I guess it all depends."

"Depends on what?" I could hear his voice rise as his anxiety filled my ear drum.

I smirked and walked into the bathroom. I was about to get clean anyway so everything I said in the next few moment would run off of me with some soap and warm water. "I was about to step into a shower. I could always wait a few extra minutes if you wanted to come by and help me out." I suggested seductively.

Inside I wanted to retch and scrub my skin raw. The goose bumps on my skin crawled along my skin as I was sickened by my own mouth. "I'll see you when you get here." The phone on his end hung up.

I took this moment to laugh, the kind of laugh that could chill you to the core. It was vile and disgusting but after the café incident today, he wasn't about to get off scot-free. I do believe that this was another point for me.

I took my time making sure that every inch of my body was rid of the scum that dared to place their filthy hand on me. They had no right to touch perfection. Didn't they know I was out of their league? I guess that's why they took their cheap thrill when they did.

It felt good to be clean again, I was finally able to breathe. I took my sweet time dressing; whatever Ryuzaki wanted could wait. If it was terribly important he would have told me it was urgent and my shower could wait. He was utterly predictable, and it was because he was merely human.

The walk over to the hotel suite was leisurely and brisk. I had taken my time drying my hair and tying up some new leads in the Death Note. It was my duty to see that my justice prevailed and nothing would stop me in my quest.

I walked past the front desk and pressed the elevator button. The car came to the main floor and the electronic doors opened. I made my way into it and pressed the button that would lead me to headquarters. It's not surprising to get a call from L the moment I step out of his sight. It's like what Sun-tzu said, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.'

This was the game we played.

The only thing left unclear was how close did enemies have to be? I didn't care, so long as my means to an end was my satisfactory means to an end.

I gave the customary knock. It was childish to knock, and I felt like a fool for doing it. It wasn't my idea. It was L's, and he was a paranoid freak. I smirked inwardly, realizing it was probably my fault for pushing him over the deep end, but that was half the fun. The real fun was watching the enraged look of fury and fear in his eyes as Kira struck again, and again, and again with no stopping.

That was priceless. I could watch that look for hours without getting bored. Just knowing I caused that look was enough to keep up with the pathetic charade. I bit my bottom lip as those eyes flashed in my mind. It was bittersweet, just the way I liked it.

I was able to regain my composure the moment the lock clicked and the door opened. L's dirty jeans and white shirt remained constant no matter the time or the day. It made me slightly wonder if he owned anything other than the clothes on his back. But then again, I would have to care and at this moment I couldn't care less.

He stepped back and I entered and allowed him to close the door behind me. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he looked through the peephole to see if I was followed. "I'm not stupid enough to have someone follow me." I stated blankly.

"I never said you were." He stated and continued to look. He remained that way until he was reassured that the coast was clear and he took a seat on the overstuffed white leather chair.

"Where is everyone?" I asked as I realized that there was no inessential chatter making my mind bleed. It was actually a pleasant respite.

"They went home." Ryuzaki commented as he picked up a piece of data with his index finger and thumb and analyzed the data.

"Oh," I started as I removed my jacket and draped it on the back of the couch. "Then what was so important that you needed to see me urgently?" I asked as I made myself comfortable on the couch.

"Oh, I forgot. It must not have been that important anyway." He stated after a few moments of silence. I picked up a folder containing the latest victim and read the file as L kept watching me from the corner of his eyes. I schooled my features and continued to read despite the heavy silence that developed between us.

"Is something wrong?" I pretended to look concerned as I raised my head from the pile of papers I was emerged in.

"What is your opinion?" He slightly nodded towards the case file I was holding. Then again it could have been a twitch of his muscles as he leaned over and grabbed some sugared confectionary and plopped it in his mouth. Disgusting.

"Well, he was a politician who kidnapped young teenagers and used them as his personal sex slaves. I'm surprised that he was able to buy his way off. Had this been Sayu, I would have killed him myself. I'm surprised no one got to him before Kira did. And before you start, let me restate that no one harms my family and lives." My eyes drew to a slight slit.

"That sounds like a bold threat." His eyes widened slightly as he took in my deadly serious expression.

I shrugged, "Merely a statement of facts." I ignored L and continued on my research of data. I moved from the hard copy to the electronic data. The small light and the slight hum of the hard drive felt more familiar than the cool pieces of paper in my fingers.

My fingers flew over the keys as I searched for new data to reexamine and to verify that I didn't leave a single clue. Everything had to be flawless. Gods were not granted mistakes; they were punished for it.

Everything was as it should have been: perfect. I graced myself with a sigh and leaned back in the chair. I tilted my head back and locked eyes with L. He was staring at me with such intensity it almost made me want to see if I had a lock of hair out of place.

"Aren't you going to ask where everyone is?" L shoved a brown sugar filled square in his mouth.

The chair swiveled and I faced him. I crossed my right leg over my left and leaned forward while my right hand supported my chin. "And I suppose you will tell me now since you brought it up and I never asked."

L took a slow sip of his drink and I cringed as I heard his slurping. "They are looking for evidence that will link you to Kira."

"Again?" I asked slightly amused. My body language remained as it was before the question was asked. It was calm and disarming. Also, I was used to the accusations by now.

"Not again, I always thought you were Kira."

I gave a half snort. "So what am I up to today, 4.6 percent?"

"4.8," Was his immediate reply. This meant he had been calculating my percentage while I was researching data. It was sweet how he would think of me. I gave a grin and ran my fingers through my hair.

I stood from my seat and stalked my way over towards him. I was now standing in front of him and stared into his dark abyss-like eyes. "Would you be happy if I was?" My eyes mirrored his own.

His thumb was jammed into his mouth as he pondered an answer. "I don't know."

"I think you would be happy, or at least satisfied. The great detective L solved another case, another badge of honor to be displayed, and could tell the world he best the greatest criminal of all time." I leaned a little closer invading his personal space. A personal faux pas on my account, but I gave myself a little leeway.

"Of course not! Kira isn't the greatest criminal of all time." His eyes shown with brilliance and conviction; the thought of dulling them made my toes curl and my insides shake with anticipation.

I refused to go for the bait. Had I did, I would have hung myself on the lure he was using to fish me into a confession. "Why not? He has bested the great and power L who is powerless to stop him. Just admit it Ryuzaki, your pride is the only thing that's taking a toll and that's why you're pushing for me to be Kira. Then everything is wrapped in a nice little package for you to present to the world."

I watched as his thumb biting became more rigorous as he thought of his next move.

I liked seeing him backed into a corner with no way to fight. "Would you prefer that I admit that I am Kira? Would that make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Very well then Ryuzaki," I smirked, "I am Kira."

"I know."

"Then prove it."

"That's what I'm trying to do." He bit the edges of his thumb with more fury as his mind ran.

I loved watching everything Ryuzaki—L, whatever he called himself—build up only to bear witness to it crumbling down around him. "And as you do, more people are being killed off by him; as I am being surrounded and watched by you. How can I possibly do anything without you being there to watch me make my every move?" I enunciated the last part and licked my lips slightly as his form silently began to shake.

"I don't know. That's what I'm trying to prove." His eyes burned with a strong desire to see me, Kira, fall.

Tilting my head off slightly to the side I asked, "If I was Kira, why would I be helping you out? Why wouldn't I just kill you all considering I know your names?"

"You don't know mine." L stated positively and reassuringly.

"Even if I did, I wouldn't want you dead." I leaned in closer, close enough to feel his hot breath exhale from his lips. I could taste the sugar seeping out from his breath and invade my mouth. This was all for the greater good. I wanted to see out what I started. I had to. "You're much more entertaining alive than dead, my friend." I wanted to gag on my own words, but my pride stopped me. The sincerity that rolled off my tongue surprised not only him but myself. Again, my features were schooled into perfection.

"Am I really your friend?" His eyes darted back and forth trying to search out the hidden truth.

"Of course you are." I lied easily. "If you weren't I would have stopped you from staring at me long time ago." I watched as he stirred in his seat uneasily shifting foot to foot.

"How long have you known?"

"Since the beginning."

"Then why didn't you say something?" His voice hitched and his eyes widened before sliding down into cool calculating slits.

"I thought you liked to watch. But Ryuzaki, is that all you can do?" I knew I was playing in hot water—almost boiling, but hell, it was fun to see the powerless L struggle for an ounce of control.

Something snapped inside of L and I found it strangely amusing and highly informative. "Since I couldn't be there when you took your shower, how about I see for myself how well you cleaned?" He stated with a glimmer in his eyes as he moved in for the kill.

I lost this round, but it would be amusing to see how far he would go a small win. After all, I could always take another shower when this was done.


	2. Part ii

Notes: Had to bump up the story from a nice T rating to a HARD M (laughing at my own pun) … but seriously, it's a hard M. The nice one shot is now continued mainly because of E's comments for "the rest of the story" and that I was "evil" (which I am, but it was a nice compliment.) Don't know how long it will be, but I'll keep writing until I get bored and then I'll just finish it off. So until then...Enjoy!

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Ryuzaki was worse, no, more pitiful than a virgin. I sighed and cracked my knuckles above my head before placing my hands behind my head and using them as a pillow. No one could see me in my room, so I graced myself with the pleasure of laughter. 

There are many things in this world that can cause great joy; all you needed to do was take a joyride on the risky side. Was I proud of what I did? Absolutely not. Would I do it again? Absolutely, if it meant I got the desired outcome.

_Ryuzaki froze up when he tried to kiss me. He had been bold, but his lack of sexual experiences (even with himself) left him vulnerable and open to attack; which is precisely what I did. I attacked._

_My hand coiled around his head and gently lowered myself to his crouched position on the leather chair. My tongue darted out and flicked at the sugary remains left on his lips. He had groaned and seemed rooted to his spot not knowing exactly what was supposed to be happening to him. He reminded me of a deer caught in the headlights. How delicious the prey…_

_He had panicked and futilely struggled to get away. The wide-eyed look of horrified fear sent delicious shivers down my spine causing those shivers to ripple across my skin. I couldn't get enough. I felt a primal need for more. I kissed him again; now able to trace my tongue along the top of his teeth seeking entrance to the cavern my fingers had the pleasure of gracing earlier in the day._

_He let out a cry of shock, and I wasted no time. This was probably the only chance I would get to see him defenseless. Seeing him look so helpless, so powerless … I groaned as my lower body expressed everything I felt. Gently, my tongue brushed up against his. He stood in shock. He went limp and continued to act like a cold fish. His mind might have been all there, but his body shut down allowing me the great pleasure of waking it up again. _

I laughed remembering how Ryuzaki's legs gave way and he slumped in the couch his knees resting against his chest. I was surprised at the lack of plaque build up on his teeth. I wouldn't have been surprised if his teeth had felt like sand paper. Considering the sugar his diet consisted I wouldn't have been surprised if all his teeth fell out while my tongue traced them. I was prepared for that. It sickened me to the core to allow myself to kiss someone with a film of slime bui—I almost gagged on the thought. I was lucky this time.

I wasn't surprised at the lengths I would go to taunt my prey. I had always thought the chase was the most thrilling part of the hunt. In this case I was wrong. My lips curled upward, and this time I was glad I was wrong. It was much better this way.

_His darkened expression—so void of emotion and yet burned with a passion so fierce, what I did next surprised even myself. I thought I had trained myself better, thought I was above all emotions. Yet, seeing those eyes…_

I groaned and sat up. I rubbed the back of my neck with both my hands and squeezed, trying to stop the frustration from building up again. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and if they are, then I would have to admit that I wanted to taint everything that was Ryuzaki, down to his seductive and delicious soul.

I had stolen his first kiss. I should have been satisfied with that much mental warfare, but I wasn't. I knew I should have stopped, should have slowly played my cards—I should have been but I couldn't stop myself. Seeing him like that filled me with such a lustful wonton that—I gave a ground out groan and tossed my legs over the side of the bed.

Ryuk levitated in the air laughing at my own frustration. I sent him a hard glare causing the Death God to laugh some more at my own frustrations. I wanted to throttle him with my bare hands. There was slight relief in that picture until Ryuzaki's pleading eyes took precedence. I groaned in frustration and got up off my bed and made my way down the stairs.

I was restless. Luckily, no one was home or else seeing me in this state would have set off alarms. I needed to think. I needed to see beyond what happened. I needed to cool my head. I needed to regain control.

It wasn't my head that needed cooling; it was my entire body that needed an icy shower. Even now, thinking about it sends a shiver of pleasure throughout my body. I didn't want to stop.

How could I not stop? I cursed myself and my foolish desire to possess and control everything that came into my possession. I had him with a single kiss, so why did I continue? What possessed me to be so …sensual? I purchased an apple from a vender and went into the park. I tossed Ryuk his customary 'apple a day' and tuned him out as my mind drifted back to Ryuzaki.

_His lips were slightly swollen from where my kisses burned his skin. He didn't have the strength to move or to fight me off. I could feel his pounding heart on my lips. I wanted to know if it could beat any harder, any faster, any stronger. I wanted to feel it explode beneath my lips._

_My hands trailed down his plain white shirt. His muscles danced guiding my fingers lower until they reached its final destination. I watched as Ryuzaki's head shot forward and his breathing froze in the back of his throat. _

_His eyes widened with fear and uncertainty as I unbuttoned the single button and unzipped the metal links to reach the ultimate prize. His instincts finally kicked in and he started to thrash about. Ryuzaki's voice was hoarse and gruff and he struggled to escape._

_His flight response and his desire for sexual release spurred my own lust. It was worse than a hot wave—I was so incredibly turned on I couldn't help myself. I cupped his lower half and it was already wet to the touch. _

_Ryuzaki flung his head back and his spine arched and I hadn't even touched him yet. He had already released himself, but he was still hard. I touched him lightly through his pants only to feel the wet spot grow as he released himself again. I had yet to do anything and Ryuzaki had already experienced the taste of heaven twice._

_There was one question yet to be answered: Boxers or briefs? The type of underwear you wore made statements about the type of person you were. I peeled back the button to see a tuff of hair peeping out. I guess the answer would be c) nothing at all. I knew he hated the restraints of clothing, but I would have never thought in a million years he would be so bold as to wear nothing at all._

_I heard a mumbling of elastic being too tight … Could he have read my mind and answered my question or did he anticipate it? I was foolish to think that he could read my mind. If he could …if he could, he would have run from his spot. I smirked darkly and peeled away the wet jeans. _

_I blew hot air up along the base and quirked my eyebrow in amusement as the liquid started to flow. I could hear his jagged breathing and it hitched and caught in his throat as my tongue flicked the base. His whole body twitched, erupting as more white substance squirted out from his lower appendage._

_It was thick and salty and tasted like the purity of a virgin, yet it was sweet from all the sugar he consumed. I had had worse. His knees were still pressed against his chest. I spread his legs further apart gaining better access. Ryuzaki's bewildered expression made my own need pulsate. I needed to last a little while longer. This was my thrill, my hunt, my kill. _

_I wasn't about to let some primal need drive me. I needed to stay clear headed. I needed all my wits about me. I was in control, and I wasn't about to give it up. I took his softening length in my mouth and it grew instantaneously. Oh the joys of being a virgin. The slightest spark and the body betrays. I could hear his muffled cries of pain and pleasure._

_Multiple orgasms were straining on the body, especially if you were new to the game. Ryuzaki shoved his fist in his mouth and bit back a scream. Saliva and blood trailed down his knuckles only causing me to grin savagely up at him. The man I wanted to defeat most of all looked incredibly edible. _

_My right hand clamped against the slick length and pumped it a few times while my left hand curled itself around the furry mass. I watched as Ryuzaki's eyes widened further, his hips ground themselves into my hand. Oh, it wasn't over yet. My mouth covered his frothing tip and I sucked on it hard._

_I looked up into Ryuzaki's eyes to see if he liked the route I was taking. I think he liked it. His clawless fingers tried to rip the material off the leather chair and the scream emitted from his throat was lost in the violent shockwaves as his body shot everything that had been built up for many years._

_The twitching subsided and I wiped my mouth clean. I stood and watched the exhausted detective. He had passed out from his new experiences, leaving myself in a very frustrated situation. Of course, this was only the very start of all the delicious things to come. Now that I know he didn't shrink away from my touch, it would be interesting to see how far the limits could be stretched._

_My own need needed satisfying. There was no helping it this time around; I would have to do the job myself. I made my way into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. The tap was blasting a cold stream as my body cooled down and my own desire was released. It was pitiful. I took the soap and washed myself off. _

_I felt sickened by what was still lingering in my mouth but I would have to wait until I got home before I could deal with it. I could have used Ryuzaki's toothbrush but the thought of using it made me gag. There was just some thing you didn't share. That was one of them. I finished washing myself off and turned off the shower. _

_Quickly, I dressed and walked back out of the bathroom. Ryuzaki was still sleeping on the chair. I thought about leaving him as he was, but then if anyone saw him like that my chances of playing again would be slim to none. I walked into the adjoining room and took a blanket from the closet. I shook it out and dragged it back into the room and threw it atop his small frame._

_Where it landed it landed. It was not my concern to see he was tucked in properly. I grabbed my coat and silently left the hotel suite and made my way home to remove the rest of his filth that dared to linger on my body._

I stood from the park bench. I hated him more than ever. I had never been left to attend to my own needs: _ever_. I smirked cockily as I would make sure he repaid the favor…with interest. Usually, he would be following me or at the very least he would have someone watching me, informing him of my every move.

Today was different. There were no feeling of eyes tearing into my soul and Ryuk informed me that the coast was clear as he greedily ate the apple, core and all. Now all I needed to do was think of more delicious ways to taint the one that fascinated me. I brushed off my pants and stood with more conviction than ever.

I had an idea that was so brilliant, that only someone of my caliber could have thought of it. There was no need for me to be as frustrated as I was…there was no need for it at all. I just needed to get out and think rationally, needed to cool the hot blood that flowed through my veins. I wondered why I hadn't thought of it sooner.

I brushed back my bangs and started to walk back home. If he wouldn't come find me, then I would make him call me. After all, I was considered a valuable member of the team. No one realized yet that I wasn't a team player.

Now was not the time to let sleeping dogs lie. I walked into my room and locked the door behind me. Ryuk watched silently as I pulled out the Death Note from my secret compartment and started to write down the names of criminals I had yet to punish.

I was a god on a mission; however, this mission served a double purpose. I closed the notebook and sat back in my chair looking quite smug. I would love to be there when Ryuzaki realized what I had done, but there were some expressions that could wait until later. For now, I was pleased with the mere thought of his calculating mind working around all the evidence coming to the conclusion I wanted him to achieve.

"You look pleased with yourself Raito." I swung my chair around and faced the hideous creature before me. I closed my eyes for a moment and ran my hand through my hair. I would need to wash it tonight. The softness was starting to fade, which would only lead to a high glossy look otherwise known as grease. That was unacceptable in my day and age where there was running hot water and hair products called shampoo.

I glanced at the Death God hovering above my bed. "Of course I do; that's because I am." I opened my eyes and watched as he looked as excited as I felt inside. "If L doesn't want to play anymore, I'll make him play. I'm forcing his hand." I laughed wickedly at my own pun. "If L doesn't want to come to me, I'll force L and the entire investigation to bring me closer to him. This is one round I refuse to lose." I crossed my arms stubbornly and felt my lips tug upwards. "I wonder how long it will take for him to figure out the pattern?"

Ryuk laughed and shook his head, "You're a fine death god, Raito." I took great pride when Ryuk complimented me. One rarely, if ever, got a compliment from a Death God.

I flashed him a smirk and removed the cell phone from my pocket and placed it beside my laptop as I researched more names for my next targets. Serial killers, rapists, child molesters…the list when on for miles. Even by myself it would take me a lifetime to purge the evil from this world.

It was a task I was only too pleased to take on. I shut down the laptop and I was about to go into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat when my cell phone rang. It was Matsuda telling me that Ryuzaki needed to see me immediately and that there had been another string of Kira murders. Before I could ask any question the phone went dead. I was left with dead air but it didn't matter, my plan was working like I had planned.

I closed the cell phone and grabbed my jacket. "It's show time Ryuk." I informed the fellow Death God and made my way downstairs. I grabbed an apple on the way out and happily munched on it as I walked to the hotel.

I could hear them from out in the hall and I wasn't about to use some stupid knock when guaranteed no one would be able to hear me. I turned the handle and pushed open the hotel door without so much as a slight tap. The members gave me a curt nod as I made my way into the back room. So far everything was as it should be.

My hands weren't in cuffs, so I knew my little secret was safe with Ryuzaki. I would kill them all before they would be able to get a single metal link around my wrist. I wasn't paranoid or worried, why should I be? My tracks were traceless, my methods flawless, and the only evidence against me was a notebook I could relinquish at any given time. Like I said, there was no reason for me to worry.

"Raito, it's good you're here. Kira has struck again." My father looked stressed. His normally professional manner was disheveled his with lack of blazer and loosened tie.

I gave him a reassuring smile and listened as L described the cases. He wasn't giving his own opinion about it; he was merely telling me the cold, hard facts. I know exactly what he was waiting for and I wasn't going to give it to him—not yet. I listened as he moved on to the next case and continued to spew out the facts and only the facts.

Usually by now I would have caught the connection, and I did, but habitually I would have given my own thoughts about it. After all, I was the one that set it up in the first place. However, tonight I wanted to listen to the gruff sounds of Ryuzaki's voice. Tonight I watched him fidget under my stare. Only I realized he was more antsy than normal. I knew Ryuzaki had figured it out; he was buying time until I confirmed his hypothesis.

It was their fault if they couldn't see it without my aid. I wanted to roll my eyes at the pathetic lackeys surrounding my greatness. The desire was so strong, but I was able to control it. They were just pawns in my game. Pawns were dangerous if they got too close to the other side but I took them out before they could become a threat. Ray Penber and his fiancée taught me that lesson. I learnt it quickly and corrected my error without much damage done.

After he finished giving me all the necessary facts he turned to stare at me. I knew he was trying to calculate how much I would speak, how much I would reveal. But I knew something he didn't. I did this every single time a new murder occurred. Just because I gave him concrete proof that I was Kira didn't mean I would forfeit the game that easily. I mean this was just starting to get fun. I wasn't about to stop now.

He was waiting for me to speak my opinion first before he would tell me his thoughts. Usually, we would come the same conclusion but sometimes I would say something so far out and contradict the great detective, it would cause a flicker of uncertainty through the entire team. That was the fun part about knowing the facts and speaking your mind about them; they could make for an excellent mind game.

"I think Kira has categorized them into a sexual field." I said after regaining my thoughts.

"I think so too, Raito-kun." Ryuzaki's stared at me, compelling me to confess.

"With the lack of evidence that links these people to their crimes would suggest that Kira is sexually frustrated and is taking it out on his victims. The first victim was accused with molesting his student but it couldn't be proven, then there's the subway rapist—none of his victims could identify him clearly…" I gave a lingering glance at Ryuzaki wondering if he caught my blunt message.

I paused for a moment letting it sink in and continued. "I mean if I was Kira, then that would be the perfect symbolic gesture to send to people."

"Raito, I don't like it when you compare yourself to Kira." My father scolded with fury. I could see rage behind his tired eyes. If you only knew father…

I laughed it off. "I know. I was merely saying. Besides," I smirked at the back of L's head, "When have I ever been without in that department?" I turned and innocently looked at my father and his goldfish-like expression. I laughed him off as if the subject was not a big dead, "After all, I am a normal University student."

The team filtered out of the room and Watari excused himself saying something about tea. My eyes darkened and a predatory sneer graced my face as L's body stiffened. I wish I could stare into the fear filled, panic laced eyes. I casually leaned over him and read the data over his shoulder.

"You shouldn't have done this." Ryuzaki's eyes hardened as he gave me a sideward glance.

"You shouldn't have ignored me." I whispered harshly into his ear. Even if they were recording everything I said in this room, it would take guesswork to decipher the meaning of my words. I wasn't incriminating myself. It was only circumstantial evidence at best.

My index finger danced alone the back of his neck. The neck was a seductive zone if you did it right. His neck was smooth and silky to the touch. I could feel the tiny hairs stand up on edge and I traced a slow moving pattern along the exposed skin, light and feathery but just enough force to let him know I was there. I watched as Ryuzaki shivered and goosebumps formed along the skin. I moved back a tiny bit so my breath would be heated against his ear.

"Stop this Raito-kun." Ryuzaki's voice was on edge.

"Stop what?" I asked playfully. I was toying with him and he knew it. There was no use in hiding that simple fact. He picked up a chocolate-coated donut and licked the frosting.

"Killing." His simple word caused me to grin against his hair.

"Good. I thought you were referring to this." Before he could make a sound my lips brushed up against the back of his neck. I trailed a path of light kisses down the side of his neck to where his shirt covered and blocked my path. I shuddered as I tasted the salty flesh.

My reaction could have been taken two ways. The one I experienced: disgust, and the one he thought: pleasure. I watched as his toes curled against the cloth seat. I used my tongue to trail a watery path up to his ears and flicked the outer lobe with the tip of my tongue. Ryuzaki hasn't been prepared for my assault and choked on the half eaten donut.

At the sound of Ryuzaki's distress, everyone came running in. I tapped him lightly on the back and feigned concern. I handed him his cup of coffee and rubbed swirling patterns along his back as he tried to drink his coffee and clear the offending donut that was lodged in his throat. I could feel the muscles under his shirt twitch as I slowly comforted him.

I reassured the team that he was okay, that he was merely swallowing chunks without properly chewing them first. No one bought my story. Ryuzaki had never choked on his sugary confessions before and they demanded to know the cause. I simply chuckled and stated, "I asked Ryuzaki if he had ever been sexually frustrated."

Ryuzaki started to choke again.

"See." My answer seemed to satisfy everyone in the room. They then returned to what they were doing before we were so graciously disturbed. I smirked darkly and reached over and grabbed the file from him without touching him in the process. I took a seat and flipped through the files and read some of the background information on my victims. It didn't matter really, they were dead and all their pasts were history.

Watari offered me a cup of tea and I gratefully accepted. Ryuzaki attempted to sweeten my small cup with a handful of sugar cubes but before he could I raised the liquid to my lips and let the cup sit there until he lowered his hand. Finally I was able to take a sip without the sugar fairy attacking.

The moment I set the cup down, the handful of sugar cubes Ryuzaki possessed were launched into my cup. I raised my eyebrow at his antics. Ryuzaki simply smiled and proceeded to do the same onto his own. I rolled my eyes and handed the folder back to him. I didn't know why he was such a child or why I was such a fool for not seeing it coming a mile away.

His behavior was predictable. His antics repeated themselves over and over again. What made this time so special? I wanted to ring his slender neck with both my hands. I wanted to feel his lifeless body beneath me as he took his last breath. I knew this was going to happen—it always did, but this time I was angry.

I stood and walked out of the room leaving my tea to rot. I fished in my pocket and retrieved my cell phone and flipped the face. I turned on the wireless devil and listened as it made sounds. New messages. I couldn't care less who was reading over my shoulder, it wasn't like there was anything to hide.

The one thing that I needed to hide was the Death Note and that was taken care of. "Something wrong Raito?" My father enquired as I sighed slightly drawing attention to myself and my devised plan to get me out of the hotel room.

"Nothing. I merely forgot about a date I forgot to cancel on the way over. I should go and apologize to her in person." I lied easily.

"Guess Raito-san wouldn't know about being sexually frustrated with all the girlfriends he has." Matsuda stated loudly enough for Ryuzaki in the back room to hear.

I didn't know if I should punch him or slip him a bill. Instead, I left the hotel room. So far everything had worked out nicely. I reached into my jacket breast pocket and pulled out a stick of menthol gum. The strong harsh flavor killed every taste. I almost shivered in revulsion as I remembered the taste of his skin.

"I think that was a perfect evening, don't you Ryuk?" I asked my companion as I walked out of the hotel. The night was cool and it refreshed my heated lips. The tea had sat a tad too long against the sensitive flesh and it pulsated now against the cold.

The death god laughed. "You didn't intend to stay all that long, did you?"

"Of course not." I shot Ryuk a look before I turned up the collar of my jacket and continued on. "My plan was to get in, assess the damage, plant a new seed and leave again."

"What if you were forced to stay? I mean you did openly admit that you were Kira to L."

I flashed the evil silver device before putting it back into my pocket. "I'm a responsible person Ryuk. I would never allow a female to walk the streets alone after dark. That would be thoughtless of me, and it would be thoughtless of the team if they forced me to stay. It was the easiest solution. Either way I win."

Ryuk was silent after that. The light flutter of his wings was the only sound to emerge from him. Besides, even if I were openly accused of being Kira (again) it would have forced Ryuzaki into explaining why. After the stunt with the donut, I knew he would keep silent. The detective always accused me of being Kira…

I wonder if he realized he had cried wolf one time too many?


	3. Part iii

Quick Note: Shorter than what I wanted, but (shrug) it's an update. Enjoy all the delicious mind-fuckery this chapter has to offer. Thanks for reading! Now that I've posted, I'm going back to the amv I'm making.

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Two weeks had come and gone without so much as a whiff from Ryuzaki. Class was not the same without his dark eyes boring holes in the back of my head. I had come to the conclusion that Ryuzaki was playing a game of cat and mouse. He had yet to understand that I was the dog holding the cheese.

I learnt to deal with my urges, they were an annoyance, but controllable. Everything, including my own desires, needed to learn who their master was. Once again, all lack of control disappeared leaving nothing but the cool sensation of fulfillment.

Today had passed like any other. It was silent, and I was waiting. Today a paper was due and Ryuzaki was still on the enrollment list, which meant he would have to come to the University and drop it off personally. I suppose he could have Watari drop it off, but I suspected he would want to do this himself.

It gave me cause to wonder if he thought about me. Okay, I know he did; I was always on his mind. But this time I was wondering if he had me on his mind sexually. I could always give him a refresher course. For a moment I forgot where I was and with whom I was with until a high pitched voice distracted me. "I thought that was funny too Raito-san."

I looked at my classmate, hiding my disgust. She had the audacity to put her gnarly fingers on my person. Granted, I had been the one to ask her to come with me for a cup of coffee, but she was only needed so I could stare out at the school gates waiting for Ryuzaki's entrance. Had I sat by myself, I would have been flooded with unwanted maggots.

This was the lesser of all evils.

I tuned the sorry excuse of a human out of my mind as my focus zoomed to the lanky figure walking towards the front doors. Quickly I packed my books back into my bag and placed it back at my side.

Reason number two for having this flawed excuse beside me was so Ryuzaki could take notice. To me, this was nothing more than a game. One I enjoyed playing. Mere seconds before I could feel his eyes on me, I turned my head slightly and laughed at something she said. Actually, what she said wasn't supposed to be funny but it no longer mattered, she had served her purpose and was no longer necessary.

I excused myself, telling her about spotting a classmate (which wasn't a lie) and that he had something he needed to return to me (which, depending on how you interpreted it wasn't technically a lie either.) I shrugged and slung the bag over my shoulder and took off after a now fleeing Ryuzaki.

He was exiting out of the professor's office when he took sight of me. He paused mid-step contemplating whether to run or not. He probably figured that I wanted him to run, and he was half correct. I would love the thrill of the hunt probably as much as a submission right about now. Either way, I won. He was here, and he was mine.

Instead he carried about like nothing was wrong. People were watching us and now was not the time to let my guard down. "Ryuzaki, I haven't seen you in class. Is everything all right?" The females watching whispered amongst themselves, sneering and making comments.

Did they think I couldn't hear? Did they think they were being secretive about their comments? None of them would have stood a chance let alone a second glance had Ryuzaki not been here to keep me in character. Perfect. I was perfect with no flaws.

This just showed another one of those faces, I was concerned about a fellow classmate. Yes, I was brilliant. To everyone around me, Ryuzaki seemed aloof and carefree, but I watched as his movements became more rigid and his steps were harder than usual. He was annoyed about something. I bit my cheek as a smile threatened to creep up on my face.

"You could borrow my notes if you fear you are being left behind." I had a role to uphold. I knew full well that Ryuzaki wouldn't need my notes. Hell, I don't think he took a pen and a pad of paper into a class. Either way, I wouldn't be surprised.

"You'd lend me your notes Raito-kun?" I watched as Ryuzaki stopped just out the front doors and looked at me.

"Of course. I wouldn't want to hinder you in any way because of a few missing notes." I gave him a sickly sweet smile.

"You just want to hinder the Kira investigation instead." His eyes darkened and he suddenly reminded me why I shouldn't speak so openly about anything. Something wasn't right. He was up to something. He was being bolder than normal. This was my cue to watch and listen.

"How have I hindered you?" I asked resuming the walk towards the front gates.

"You won't confess." Ryuzaki stopped in front of me and refused to budge until I gave him some type of acknowledgment.

I sighed. "Very well Ryuzaki, I confess. I confess to having you work tirelessly while I am studying. I know I haven't been a perfect help, so can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" I even batted my eyes a few times for good measure.

Ryuzaki didn't have to tell me a thing. His demeanor was all off. I could smell he was up to something. All the bones in my godly being confirmed my suspicion…That and a slight clicking noise that I heard every few seconds. I wouldn't have heard it if I wasn't listening for it. There was another reason for Ryuzaki to come to school, to get me to confess on tape. It was either a tape on him or a bug with a recording device that was situated outside the University grounds.

Either way, I knew what he was up to and I would play his game. I stopped mid step and swung my bag around and started to filter through my papers. "I'm sorry Ryuzaki, I seem to have left my notes at home. If you're not too busy, we could go to my house and retrieve them."

The ball was now in his court. He had two options, one he could leave and confirm my suspicion of a recording device or two he could come and I could verify he had a device on him. Either way, it would mean Ryuzaki lost. He would have to do much better if he thought he could win against a God.

"Very well then, I will come with you." There was something about the flicker in his eyes that alerted all my senses. What I had already known was confirmed. I wondered who had the pleasure of listening to our conversation, Matsuda, my father or Watari, or perhaps one of the other mindless drones still stupid enough to stay on the team.

"You know, I've missed sitting with you in class. It's been quite boring without your eyes burning holes in my skull." I knew Ryuzaki's cheeks were flushed. I was openly discussing matters that no one else should be talking about. It was quite cute. I was acting so innocently.

Ryuk, floating above me, was cackling, knowing exactly what I was doing and seemingly enjoyed the show I was putting on. I turned and looked at Ryuk and smiled. "It's a beautiful day isn't it? The city life is buzzing with noise—"

"Raito-kun, what are you doing?" Ryuzaki stopped and scratched his bare foot against his pant leg before slipping back on the shoe.

I didn't look at him, instead I kept my eyes on Ryuk. "I'm simply capturing this moment when I have nothing to listen to."

"You think he's got a recording device on him and you want me to look?" Ryuk chuckled as he came closer.

"Yes, it's it heavenly?" I turned to Ryuzaki as if everything I said was a normal experience.

"What makes you think I'll tell you?" Ryuk questioned not moving from his position.

"Oh Ryuzaki, I think my mother made fresh apple juice this morning, if there's any left would you like to stay and have a glass?" Even before reaching my house I was a perfect host. It looked like I was seeing to the needs of my guest before putting my own needs first. Anyone listening would think I was perfect.

And that was the problem, I was.

"I don't think I'll be staying that long. Just long enough to get what I came for." Ryuzaki shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to follow me like the lap dog he was.

"Had I known you were coming, or had you phoned, I could have made sure the papers were on me. I'm sorry for making you waste a trip." My acting skills were superb. From up above I heard Ryuk cackle then he gave a snort before grinning.

I had received my answer and a bonus. I was a few steps in front of Ryuzaki and took a deep breath before schooling me features to those of a perfect being. Ryuk's cackle gave notice for the listening device and his snort and grin meant something more. What more could he have on him that I didn't notice. Everything looked normal then it hit me. The bastard was wearing a camera.

Not only was he recording my voice, but he was recording every movement so it probably could be analyzed by the team later when the coast was clear. Quickly, I retraced every one of my actions, every movement I made when I first saw him. Shaking my head to myself I knew nothing was amiss. Nothing I did was out of place. My acting skills were flawless.

We made it inside and I called out to see if anyone was home. To my dismay, no one had arrived yet. I slipped off my shoes and put on my slippers that were by the door. "Would you like to come in or do you need to go right away?"

Ryuzaki pondered my invitation for a moment, "I think I will come in." He slipped off his shoes and followed me into the kitchen. True to my word, I offered him a glass of freshly squeezed apple juice, which he declined, instead opted for a chocolate chip cookie that was cooling on the rack.

This meant mother had just recently left. They were still warm to the touch. This also meant that my father was in on this. Why else would mother leave the house without properly seeing to her baking first? It probably wasn't of his free will, but he would be the one to want to clear my name once and for all. I commended him of his futile efforts but so long as Kira or L existed, I would never be cleared.

"My notes are up in my room. You are more than welcome to come up, unless you would prefer to stay here?" I started to walk up the stairs and reached the junction of the stairs before it turned ninety degrees and looked back at him waiting for an answer.

"I think I'd like to come up." I noticed Ryuzaki's stiff start before he gathered his courage and followed after me. As much as I wanted to devour him on the spot, I knew that I was being recorded and anything that strayed away from my normal movement would be considered grounds of suspicion. In the end, it would give more ammunition to me being Kira.

I opened my door and placed my book bag beside my desk and sifted through a couple worksheets before reaching the notes. I turned and offered them to Ryuzaki who hesitated in taking them. He held them up with the tips of his fingers and skimmed the data "You're right handed Raito-kun?"

"Why do you ask?" I knew why he was asking; he was trying to bait me into a trap. Traps worked because no one saw them coming. So then what do you call a trap that you can see a mile away? An adventure.

"According to the profile, Kira is right handed too."

See, there was the trap. If I protest or make any kind of erratic movement it would only confirm his suspicions. He was recording my body language, which in the end would tell him nothing. I was calm and relaxed. My heart didn't skip a beat and my breathing was the same as it always has been.

"Eighty-five to ninety percent of people are right handed Ryuzaki." Like I said, it wasn't a trap if you saw it a mile away. It was an adventure to see him stumped at my lack of flusteredness. I'm sorry Ryuzaki but you'd have to do better than that to get me to admit. Perhaps in the throws of passion I could confess, but he was still light years away.

I wondered what would happen next when suddenly, as if on cue, the phone rang. "Please stay here, this will only take a moment."

Ryuzaki nodded his head and Ryuk chuckled. "Hopefully he doesn't find the death note while you're gone."

I hurried, not rushed, because I knew who it was. It was someone who was going to buy Ryuzaki time to search through the contents of my room. I answered the phone. As predicted it was a telemarketer asking for a few moments of my time. The least they could have done was have someone not from the investigation team phone. Did they think I was that stupid that I wouldn't recognize the sound of Mogi's voice? Granted, he never spoke much, but it was still his voice on the other line. I almost wanted to laugh at the horrendous voice he was using.

Instead I patiently answered the questions. I took my time and I had fun with it. If Ryuzaki did find the death note I would either have heard a scream or the house would have exploded. Either way, I didn't have to deal with the situation until one of those two things happened.

I figured Ryuzaki had enough time searching through my possessions that I needed to end the conversation. Moments later I was off the phone. I went into the pantry and grabbed a bag of chips and took it upstairs with me. I wonder if he would get the symbolism of the bag of chips in the exact spot as when he had the cameras in my room.

There was one way to find out. I grinned to myself then wiped it clean off my face before opening the door and walking into my room. "He's fast at snooping." Ryuk hovered over my bed. "I thought he was going to have a seizure when he picked up one of your hidden magazines."

Oh yes, the essential for every growing boy. I bought the nude magazine in case something like this was to ever happen. It only proved that I was a normal being with normal urges and normal thoughts. I had even spent the evening crinkling certain pages. Granted, I simply took a glance at the page to see if I was crinkling the one with the nude female or if it was an article about nuclear fusion.

I could have explained it, but that would require time and effort. Getting it done right was the easiest and fastest route to take. Nothing seemed to be out of place. Ryuzaki was good. I couldn't even confront him about it. That's what he expected, what he wanted. Instead I called his bluff. "Did you find everything you were looking for? Had I known you were coming, I would have set out some family photos of my childhood for you to look at, or possibly some naked explicit photos."

His expression was comical, and I laughed. He took a few seconds to recover but he did it beautifully. "What makes you think I was looking around?" His calculating eyes shifted and slanted. The great detective L was standing before me now. The pseudo Ryuzaki was now gone from sight.

"It's human nature to be curious. Are you trying to tell me that you weren't curious?" I opened the bag of chips and set it down on my desk. "Besides, if you hadn't looked, you would have blushed at the thought of explicit photos instead of giving me the look you expressed which indicates that you were looking. I have nothing to hide from you Ryuzaki, so are you satisfied with your search or would you like to continue?"

I sat on my chair and crossed my legs waiting for him to continue. My hands were resting gently in my lap. My body language was non-threatening; it had to be, one wrong move and it would be over. This was my one chance in the spotlight I wasn't supposed to know about to clear myself.

Moments later Ryuzaki's cell phone rang. Holding the device with two fingers he listened as his eyes never once left mine. I knew what happened already. I was the one that caused it. He closed his phone and stared at me with a dark expression watching my every move. My acting skills would now show Mogi, who was probably watching, how a real good actor played the part.

"Is everything alright?" My voiced laced with worry. Silently I counted in my head, three, two, one.

"Kira's killed again."

And cue perfect acting skills worthy of an award.


	4. Part iv

Sorry for the long ass wait. I wasn't inspired. (shrug) Can't do anything about that…Double chapter; reworked. Hope this one is better E! To everyone, thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoy the next bit of my insanity.

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Everything in my world was as normal as it could be—including the stench Ryuzaki emitted from behind me. It actually wasn't him; it was the sweets sitting next to him. The aroma of concentrated sugar made my stomach churn. You'd think that being around it all the time I'd get used to it; but I never ca—probably never will. Once L was dead, I vowed to never see the light of a torte, or a cream pie, or anything with sugar ever again. Anything with a whipped topping or a cream filling or any sort of glaze would never be in my line of sight.

My mind wandered off as the computer's harsh light played across my face. I wondered if I could get away with killing all the CEOs of sugar companies. But then that would be an obvious clue as to Kira's identity. Then again, everything always seemingly did when L was involved. I had half a mind to write a paper as to why sugar companies should be taken to court and sued like so many individuals seemed to do in the United States with various other companies. I wonder if suing someone for emotional and physical distress were good enough legalities for formulating a case? I was being irrational. This was a dire sign to stop for the night before things got worse. Time was finally affecting my rational mind.

It would be interesting, but I highly suspect that all my research would be deleted each and every night. All hard copies would be burned, no matter how many trees were killed in the process. I couldn't see it going through a shredder; I could still somehow manage to put the pages back together—and I would do it just to piss him off. Oh, of course, Ryuzaki wouldn't let anything happen to his precious 'nourishment' and would make it his personal mission to see me fail. I wonder which case would be more important: my case against sugar or Kira?

I watched from the corner of my eye as he played with a stack of jujubes and made it into a tower. There had to be an entire container he was pl—no make that eating. Sickening. I still couldn't understand how someone could eat that, let alone in the quantities he did. It was revolting.

My back was turned away from him, and I was busy tapping away on the keys of the keyboard writing a paper for class. I did say I was apologetic for the lack of time I was spending with the team. I couldn't let my grades suffer and be cause to accusations again, so for the past week, I had brought everything with me to headquarters after class.

For some reason, and I suspect it was so he could keep a better eye on me, but Ryuzaki was happy. No wait, I don't think happy was the right word to use—more like pleased with himself. The question 'why' I had yet to figure out, but I had my suspicions. It wasn't like I had anything really to worry about. The death note was taken care of and my job as a God was laid out and fulfilled to its highest capability. So for now, the why remained unimportant and unanswered.

A week of high profile and nicely timed heart attacks and during that time, I would be under the watchful eye of the greatest and most clueless detective in the world. I would like to see him prove that I killed them if I was proverbially joined at his hip.

I smiled to myself and hit the save button on another completed paper. Granted this one was a few months early, but it gave me time for revision in a month or so…not that it would need it. It was perfect and flawless as usual.

I sighed and cracked my fingers behind my head as I stretched my tight shoulders. "Are you finished Raito-kun?"

I didn't have to look back to picture Ryuzaki popping a disgusting delicatessen into his mouth. Whatever happened to the jujubes he was eating befor—I could only shake my head in revulsion. I finished my stretch and swiveled my chair to face him. I gave him a mumbled purr before I stood and eased the tension from my lower back. I let out a slight groan of immense relief and watched as his eyes traced the stretching muscles of my abdomen.

Naturally, I allowed myself to express my vocal pleasure of being released from the confines of the chair. It was amusing to see Ryuzaki's eyes darken at the sound that emitted from my throat. Many would take that as a slip in my demeanor but it was all for show; it was all carefully timed so I could see his reaction while making it look like I didn't care.

How anyone could sit for hours on end and not move was a mystery to me. My body cramped after the first hour in these horribly ergonomic chairs. The body wasn't meant to be tortured in such a fashion.

There were many other pleasurable venues for torture. These were just torture devices minus the pleasure. "Ryuzaki, will you be up much longer, or can I sleep in the bed tonight?"

Beside me, Ryuuk cackled at my innocent stretch and my most innocent question. Ryuzaki was probably calculating the odds that I was trying to come on to him with a seductive pose and suggestive question. He could think all he wanted, but my brain needed to rest. Remember, I had just thought out the consequences of suing a sugar corporation—that alone was an obvious sign I was sleep deprived.

My mind slowly wandered back to the present and the man crouched before me on the chair stuffing something blue into his mouth. Ryuzaki blushed slightly and mumbled something about letting me have the bed. He was delectable in his flustered state. It had been a while since I had touched or breathed on his sickly, sun deprived skin. I even went out of my way to make sure our fingers didn't touch when I passed him a paper. I didn't even accidentally bump into him in the small kitchenette in the suite, although he tried several times.

It was a fun game. I had watched out of the corner of my eye as he had tried to close the gap, to feel some lingering touch, to feel some sort of heated breath upon his skin. It was funny to watch him squirm. Humans were funny creatures. Once they knew the intimate touch of a lover they couldn't go back to what was familiar. If you tried, it was cold, and the world seemed like a darker place.

Oh do not fret; I have not been without companionship. I have made sure of that. I have also made delightfully sure that Ryuzaki has been within hearing range when I answer my cell phone. I don't need human companionship to heat the lonely nights, for I do not know what those are. I am far too busy making sure the world is a safer place to live in.

That is the only thing I need to keep me warm on a cold night. The bodily urges of the beast are fed with whatever god-awful creature enters my line of sight when the need strikes. Most like to think that women want to be wined and dined, and all that romantic bullshit they scoop up and store away after watching their daytime dramas.

That is not the truth. Most want their urges fulfilled by someone that will fulfill them and not make a fuss about it in the morning. I kept my distance to the women that wanted dinner and a movie. I wanted relief, not a date. Most women in my directory were exactly the type I wanted. They wanted to be fucked so hard and so raw they were left breathless for days. Most of them had lovers other than me, and they used them for the companionship aspect of human nature. That was the type of relationship we had and we all liked it.

"Are you sure you're tired Raito-kun?" I listened to the almost suggestive tone in his voice. I wasn't sure if he was trying to come on to me or if it was another indication that I was brain fried. I was hoping it was the latter because the first was just too funny.

I stopped at the bedroom's entrance, leaning against the door jam and looked at him. His position was predictable, I didn't even have to look back to know exactly how he would be positioned. His toes would be curled into the chair, melting the leather beneath it. His chest would be resting against his thighs and he would be chewing on his left thumb while a piece of paper, now disregarded, would be in his right.

I turned and gave Ryuzaki a long, smooth glance over. I unbuttoned the cuffs of my long sleeved shirt as I did this. I watched him blush slightly under my heated stare. His face was still in control of his emotion, but I knew him better. I smirked slightly and I could practically see his heart race from beneath the white shirt. I guess I wasn't that brain fried yet.

"Yes, I am tired. Thank you for your concern. Good night, pleasant dreams Ryuzaki." I turned around and closed the door behind me. The purr of my voice seemed to echo in the smaller room. Grinning madly to myself, I got undressed and slipped into the sheets. I felt the urge to laugh catch in the back of my throat and silenced it before it could become vocalized.

I could hear the faint sounds of typing, and I knew Ryuzaki was in for another cold and lonely night. Granted, the bed was big enough for two, but tonight, I wanted some personal space. If Ryuzaki were here, then he would be in violation of my personal space, and that was unacceptable.

I was a light sleeper when I was away from the sanctity of my own bedroom, so I didn't have to fear him walking in on me. Even if he did, then I'm sure whatever object near by would serve a nice reminder…I could always say that I was dreaming and I don't remember come morning. It worked before, so what's to say it won't work again? I even had a witness to testify to it. That was the first and last time my sister ever tried to wake me up.

The sound of a loud buzzing alarm disturbed my delicious dream. Groaning, I reached over and shut off the annoying sound. I rolled back over trying to find the warm spot, but it was already vanishing. I was hoping to curl into it for a few more moments and continue the dream where I left off. Sadly, the dream was gone; as well as the lingering warm spot which was now just cold like the rest of the bed.

The lingering effects of my dream rushed back to me. I smiled and stretched as my body and mind held onto the feeling of success. It sent mouthwatering shivers down my spine and caused my morning circumstances to linger longer than normal.

L was dead and Kira was God.

Everything about that was true except for the first part and that would come about when the time was right. Deciding I couldn't wait any longer, I grabbed my clothing and slipped on the complimentary white bathrobe. Even if anyone saw me, they wouldn't be able to tell. I made my way to the bathroom on the other side of the room. Ryuzaki really should have opted for the master bathroom.

I wasn't footing the bill so why should I complain? I gave my normal charming smile to the hunched over Ryuzaki. A slight snore emitted from his nose. It was cute if I wasn't disgusted by the sight of him. My smile was simply in case someone walked in and saw me. While I was in this hotel room, I couldn't let my guard down even for a moment. If I did, then it would be game over.

I was having way too much fun for it to be over. Besides, it would end when I won. That was the only possibility. There was no room for error in my book. Otherwise, it would mean I had a weakness, and I was utterly perfect.

The door behind me made a soft click as it closed. Placing my clothing in the basket, I turned and started the shower. I would pleasure myself with the extra lingering time I would require for certain parts to lose their strength. It was an annoyance in the morning. Females were so lucky…

Looking at my beautiful self in the mirror, I snickered at my own joke. I probably would have been killed by a mob had I actually meant it. It was of no consequence now. I peeled back the robe and hung it on the rack. Just as I was opening the sliding door and as I was about to enter the shower, the door opened.

Was I surprised by this? Heaven's no. I would have been surprised if he actually hadn't done anything at all. I knew Ryuzaki wasn't sleeping at all. When he did, he would suck on his thumb or any finger that held traces of a sugary substance.

I left a wide opening and only a moron wouldn't take it. Ryuzaki was no moron—at least when it came to some things. The only sound that came from the bathroom was the rush of running water. I could feel the steam from the shower caress my calves and working its way up.

I watched as Ryuzaki stood frozen staring at me in all my glory. Oh yes, I was naked, and he was staring at my morning erection. If it hadn't been for the dream, I would have gone back to normal.

"Painful?"

My eyes slanted to Ryuzaki's face. His eyes never left my certain anatomical feature. I don't think he could have looked up even if he wanted to. This couldn't have been his first time seeing a naked man before, could it? Turning my hips towards him so he could have a better view, I watched him. I smirked as Ryuzaki licked his lips and ran his bottom lip through his teeth.

"You've never had a morning erection?" My voice seemed almost teasing. I was taunting the poor virgin, and I was enjoying the hell out of it.

Ryuzaki shook his head and kept staring. "No, but I've read about it. It's said they are just neuroreflexes that are stimulated during REM sleep. So what did you dream about Raito-kun?"

It was my turn to lean against the now heated tile and bit my lower lip. "It was just my favorite dream, nothing to concern yourself about. Before you ask, no, I won't tell you what my dream was about. There are some things I prefer to keep to myself." I crossed my arms against my chest and stared at him.

"You dreamed of being Kira again didn't you?"

I watched as he flipped into L mode. Did he keep a switch somewhere? His shifting was faster than sound. Pushing my shoulders off the tile I took a step towards him. "Just because you dream of Kira doesn't mean I do." I ran my fingers through my bed head. At this moment I didn't care what I looked like. I was about to step into a nice warm shower.

"Then what is it that made you like this." His eyes moved up and down the length of my body. I had half a mind to see if he was erect simply by staring at mine. But that would mean one of two things. I would either have to look or I would have to actually touch him. I wouldn't grace him with either.

I probably would have been turned on at the sight of someone hungrily devouring my body with their eyes if it wasn't for the person standing in front of me. Just the sight of him was enough to cause my erection to fall. Now I know what I must do to lose one. If it weren't so sad I'd probably laugh.

"I told you Ryuzaki, I will not tell you. Even if I did, I'm sure it'll make your virgin ears blush." I had had enough of this conversation already. I had played out every scenario and everything ended with my boredom. It was better to nip it in the bud. If there was anything worse than a handful of sugar cubes being plunked into my morning coffee, it was being bored.

"Try me Raito-kun. Nothing can surprise me anymore. After all, the internet is a great resource, and lately, I've had nothing but time." Ryuzaki dared to take a step closer towards me. I wouldn't give him the slight satisfaction of knowing that being exposed this closely while I'm naked makes me sick to my stomach. Sacrifices had to be made, and this one was mine. Damn my pride!

I shook my head and scoffed at him. "Ryuzaki, my dreams make that look PG. Besides, if you think you will gain any insight you are wrong. What you need is experience." I stalked him and taunted him with my words.

I licked my lips and bared my teeth at him taking a predator's position. I watched as he backed away from my advances. Human responses were predictable: fight or flight. Ryuzaki wasn't a fighter so his flight response was the only thing that could have been turned on. It was sad when human nature was so predictable. There was no great mystery if I could already solve it before it even began.

This now had nothing to do with the dire craving to be touched. This was all about instinct. Right now, Ryuzaki's were screaming to run. The lust he had when he walked into the bathroom vanished as the predator was released. He could have bared his throat and submitted to me but the person in front of me wouldn't give in to the satisfaction.

I reached behind him and pulled the knob. I was cautious to only touch him if it was necessary. He took a step out the door, and I watched his eyes as I closed the door on his face.

Rage, fear and uncertainty flashed in his soulless eyes. I listened to the click the door made once more as it closed. I flicked the lock, successfully locking myself in. Now I could take my long awaited morning shower in peace.

The shower was long, hot and it felt like pure bliss. I could feel Ryuzaki staring at the door long after the shower stopped. Somehow I had a feeling it would be a glorious day. There was nothing like fucking with Ryuzaki's mind first thing in the morning to get the blood flowing.

I had to admit, this was almost better than coffee at waking me up. I heard voices talking on the other side of the door and knew it was 'safe' to come out. I had no fear about walking out with only Ryuzaki there, but now if he did do something, he would have to account for his actions.

I could always say that I was disturbed at the thought … or better yet, I was not accountable for my actions until I had my first cup of coffee. Any true police detective would agree with me. No one started their shift without some sort of customary morning beverage in their system.

I straightened my collar and ran my fingers through my partially damp hair. It was time to walk out and face the day. I was by no means prolonging the inevitable; I was simply seeing how long I could make the great detective stir. Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door and opened it and was greeted by the team of incompetent fools.

My smile never wavered, and as much as it wanted to, I wouldn't let it. I walked into the kitchenette and poured myself a cup of coffee. By the color and aroma of the pot, L was the one to make it. Beggars couldn't be choosers, but it meant I would only have the stomach for one, and that was if I watered it down.

I could hear Ryuzaki's shuffled steps follow me into the enclosed space. I was already a tease this morning, so why not push a few more buttons while I was on a roll? I didn't bother to turn around and face him. Instead I felt his fingers run through my hair.

I bit the inside of my cheek and took a very deep breath. I wanted nothing more than to cut off his fingers with the butter knife situated to my left followed by another long hot shower to wash off his disgusting filth. I knew he was trying to play my game. If he wanted to play, then so be it. I could play even better.

I leaned back into his touch, even though my rational side was screaming to kill him. I let out a soft groan as his calloused tips rubbed against my scalp. I shivered, but not from his touch but because of his touch. I was grateful that I had yet to eat breakfast, and I suspected I wouldn't be eating this morning at all.

Before Ryuzaki could do any further damage, I turned, grabbed his wrist and faced him. I stared into hungry, dark eyes and I was repulsed by it. My expression wouldn't allow me to show my true feelings. I wasn't as weak as most humans, especially like the one in front of me.

"Are you still curious about my dream Ryuzaki?" I baited. "Would you like the details or would you rather _experience_ it?"

I watched as his mouth opened and closed not expecting the reaction I gave. Having caught his wrist in my right hand, I used my left hand to trace the side of his face. Ryuzaki's eyes closed, and I prayed my left hand would forgive me for what it was touching. I promised to bathe it in a vat of disinfectant if it cooperated. Granted, it was my hand and it wouldn't fail me…but I could still apologize to it.

I tucked a hardened tuff of hair behind his ear before I cupped my hand around his head. I brought him closer, my lips barely touching his. I could feel his slight panting on my lips. My right hand let go of his wrist, and I placed my hand above his heart. It felt like it would come out into my hand at any moment, it was racing so fast.

Now that would be a delicious sight. Death by wanton foreplay. I smirked, and I could feel the slightest touch of his lips against mine.

"Hey, Raito-san, you're cell phone is vibrating."

My hands dropped and I took a step back. "Can you answer it for me please Matsuda-san? I'll be there in a moment."

Usually I detested people answering my phone, but it couldn't be helped this time around. Besides, I already suspected who it was. I would be fun to see how the next steps played out. I turned around to retrieve my coffee and Ryuzaki had already disappeared.

With my coffee in hand, I walked out of the kitchenette and there stood Ryuzaki with my phone in his fingers. I didn't know he could move that fast. I watched as he listened to the voice on the other end. I watched as his bangs covered the front of his face and he turned and faced me. I could almost see the narrow slits glaring at me through the knotted mass.

"Nanse-san, yes, I'm still available tonight." I cradled the cell on my shoulder as I placed my cup on the coffee table and took a seat.

"You really don't mind helping me out Yagami-san? I know you're busy..."

I listened to the voice on the other end of the phone drown on and on. "It is my pleasure to help out a fellow classmate. No, it is my pleasure to be of service tonight."

I was laughing inside as I looked at a very distraught Ryuzaki listening in on only my side of the conversation. I listened on as he explained who would be there and which subjects would need to be covered. Then he confided that he had an oral exam the following week and he had yet to master the rolling of his 'r's.

"After I'm through with you tonight, you'll be able to teach that technique to your girlfriend." I leaned forward and took a sip of the partially cooled coffee. "If you are still unsure after tonight, we can practice it together in front of her to break the ice."

The team was half listening in to my conversation, mostly disregarded it; however, Ryuzaki took a seat next to me, very intent on listening to the other side of the conversation. It wouldn't work. I had set my volume to the lowest setting. The only person that would be listening to this was me and only me.

"I look forward to tonight then. Yes, I have the address. I'll see you then." I closed the face and set the phone down on the coffee table. I took another sip of the strong brew before it was attacked by an invasion of sugar cubes.

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki, but it seems like I won't be here this evening to help you out. It seems as if a fellow classmate is in a predicament." I didn't even bother to make a rude comment or snarl about the sugar.

Matsuda made a snide comment about me getting lucky tonight. Oh yes, I was lucky, so very lucky… I think I might just die from the excitement. I held back. I desperately wanted to roll my eyes.

Ryuzaki tossed in a few more cubes to witness a reaction. Instead I gave a happy sigh and stirred the coffee as if it were perfectly natural to consume so much sugar in a cup of coffee. "So, what will you be doing tonight?"

"I do believe tonight's lesson has been labeled 'the lesson in love.'" I hid my smirk behind my cup as I took a sip of the god-awful brew. Ryuzaki bit on his thumb as he thought about my comment. I watched as he looked like he was plotting something. It was sad that I had already predicted this and had taken plans to make sure nothing would interrupt. I set the horrible tasting coffee back on the coffee table.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I came along to see what all this is about, now would you?" Ryuzaki sipped on my cup of coffee.

I took a quick glance around to make sure no one was still lingering. Matsuda was now in the back room telling everyone of my newest conquest. When I was sure they were all in the adjoining room, I leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear. "You'll be too busy to attend." I made sure my voice was low enough that no recording device in the room would hear me.

Ryuzaki's eyes darkened as he continued to drink from my cup. "Then I guess that means you will be too."

I laughed out loud gaining some looks from the other room. I didn't pay them any attention. They weren't worth my time. "If you say so Ryuzaki." I reached over and took my cup from his fingers and proceeded to drink the last bit of the tar-like substance. Normally, once his lips had been on the cup I wouldn't have touched it with a ten-foot pole, but today was special.

I was having a delightful time messing with his mind. He didn't know what to make of my actions. My father took this time to walk in, and I greeted him with a genuine smile. Once he walked into the hotel room, he was no longer my father but a detective. My actions around him had to be perfect. I watched on as he strolled into the back room and got to work.

I casually leaned forward and brushed my lips against Ryuzaki's earlobe. "Don't have too much fun without me." My voice purred low into his ear. I watched as my heated breath sent shivers down his spine. Leaning back, I grinned and then proceeded to get up and take my cup to the kitchen sink.

I went into the bedroom and grabbed my jacket and book bag from the chair. No one said a word as I left the suite. To the team, I was going to school; to Ryuzaki, I was up to something. I pressed the down button to the elevator and flipped open my phone. Smiling to myself, I closed the face and slipped it into my pocket.

I only had a bar left on my battery. When the time came that Kira attacked, I would be surrounded by a group of students and the team would have no way of contacting me. As predicted, my cell phone vibrated indicating I had mail. I didn't even have to open it to know it was Ryuzaki texting me. I hadn't been gone even a minute, and he missed me already.

The elevator door closed behind me and my joyful smirk vanished. I was thoroughly disgusted with my display. My entire body screamed to be clean. It would have to wait; I had other pressing matters to attend to. I opened the phone and deleted the messages after I read Ryuzaki's garbled nonsense. The phone vibrated again in my hand, and I ignored it as I slipped it back into my pocket.

"Aren't you going to answer it Raito?"

I looked up at the Death God and laughed. "Now why on Earth would I do that? It's only Ryuzaki trying to tie me to him. I want him to keep phoning, to keep sending me emails; that way when Kira does attack I can say my phone went dead because someone drained the battery, and I forgot the charger in the hotel room."

Ryuuk chucked above me, and the rest of the journey to University was filled with silence.

The day dragged on. I had partially wished I had refused their request for my help. The morons before me were helpless and utterly a waste of my valuable time. We had arranged to meet each other in front of the University and go from there. I only agreed because this was part of my perfect self.

The vibrations in my pocket continued until mid afternoon when suddenly it stopped. I didn't even bother to see if my phone suddenly shut off. It would require me actually looking, and frankly, I didn't care.

I could almost picture Ryuzaki munching away on something sweet one minute and biting the skin around his nails the next. Ryuzaki was probably plotting a way to get me to wear a tracking device. It was sweet of him but unnecessary. I could protect myself.

The small dorm room that held the six of us was cramping. We could have gone some place more open but that would require us to be out in public. I didn't want anyone to see us nor did I want to give an opportunity for Ryuzaki to discover us.

The clock on the desk made its last tick before the time changed to 6:00pm. I smiled and immersed myself back into helping the idiots with their homework. Kira had struck again, and I was surrounded by a study group of my peers. Not once had I left the room, not even to use the dorm's washroom.

My alibi was strong, secure and now it was time to see myself out. I made a vague and half assed excuse and left. Having nothing but time on my hands I decided to stop by a local diner and sit down for a leisurely meal. Usually, I hated being surrounded by people who openly stared but at the moment I couldn't care less.

I had put up with so much stupidity; I really didn't feel like putting up with even more. So my decision on going back to the hotel was ruled out. I couldn't phone up anyone, my battery was dead—and the charger in the hotel. There was only one option left. I would go home.

Poor Ryuzaki…he would be without the pleasure of my company once again. Somehow, I'm sure I'll manage just fine. I paid the bill for my meal and left the restaurant and plotted my next course of action. Something that would be sweeter than any desert offered on the menu or anything Ryuzaki had yet to pass his lips.

It was going to be great.


	5. Part v

Okay double chapter for you all to enjoy. Thanks to E for editing this monster. We love you E!

Chapter 5

I plotted my next course of action on the way home. Ryuuk said nothing as he hovered above me. I knew he liked surprises, and I wasn't about to spoil either of our fun. I only made one pit stop and that was to the local vendor and bought Ryuuk his apple.

Arriving at home at a leisurely pace, I stopped for a moment to grace my mother with a kiss and ruffled my sister's hair before making a beeline to my room. Once the door was shut and locked, I turned on the laptop at the edge of my desk and opened the secret compartment that held the Death Note.

I opened it and turned it to a free page. Grabbing a ball point pen from the stack, I started to write. The scene was laid out in my head and getting it onto paper was easy. I only paused to gather names, places, calculate times.

Everything had to be perfect.

I only had one slight problem: getting one of the main players to the set.

I suspected it wouldn't be all that difficult—I would have to play my cards right. It was earlier than I expected when I finally closed the book and placed it back into its compartment. In three days from now something big was going to happen. I wondered a little if everyone was up for the challenge. I know I was, and that's all that really mattered in the long run.

I guess only time could tell. Instead of getting discouraged (not that I would have) I went downstairs and talked with my family. Everything was perceived as normal. I was anything but normal. I was so giddy and excited. The thrill of the expected hunt flowed through my veins. Not being able to keep up the façade any longer, I excused myself for the night, commenting on needing to study some more.

The plan was too utterly simple. There had to be flaws. It couldn't be this easy! There was no way possible that a plan this complex could be so easily woven out and executed with no viable flaws.

All the steps were laid out for the next plan. Everything for the following weeks to come after that were also in place just in case something didn't go as planned. It was always better to have too much than not enough.

Dates, time, locations, all were perfected to the second. Criminals were thoroughly researched and calculated for escalation factors so it would seem Kira was actively pursuing criminals.

Was I that good, or was the team that pathetic? As much as I would have liked it to be the first option, it was sadly the latter that was deemed as the better answer. It was pathetic really. There was no fun in the mind games anymore. L was an annoyance; not even a disturbance anymore. Some of the fun and thrill factor was seemingly lost. This new plan would bring it back up again.

L was easily led off the path if I tugged him gently in any direction I so chose. It was almost sickening. He wanted human contact more than the pursuit of justice. He wouldn't openly admit that of course, but the evidence was as clear as day.

"Ryuuk," I calmly called out to the floating Death God behind me. "I need you to do me a favor." It wasn't a question; it was more a statement of fact.

"You know I don't do favors Raito." He cackled behind me.

"Oh, I know," I swiveled the chair around facing him, "but I think you'll be amused by this request."

"Oh?" The amusement never left his face.

"Once my new plan is executed I don't want you to come into contact with me for the next month." I watched his expression. He was curious to say the least. He didn't like when I told him of my plans, it ruined his fun. I wasn't a spoilsport to say the least.

"I think I can manage that." He thought it over for a moment before supplementing, "What about my apples Raito?"

"I'll let you eat your fill and then you'll just have to make due until I return." Frankly, I couldn't care less about the Death God getting his apple fix. If he wanted them so much, he could take them from the kitchen at night. I know it wasn't the first time he'd done so.

"So for thirty days started when I tell you, refrain from seeing me. If you absolutely can't refrain from seeing my perfect face, then do so when I'm sleeping. I would hate to have my plan ruined."

I hated having plans go awry because of one minor detail. That's why everything was planned accordingly. No minute detail was left out of the equation. I couldn't remember the last time I planned something so intricate I was almost thrilled. I would be in the end if it worked like I knew it would.

Ryuuk was almost as excited as I was. It wasn't exactly hard to thrill a Death God. "Alright Raito. I won't see you for thirty days."

"Oh, and one thing Ryuuk, just to add some thrill into it." I handed the death note to him. "If I don't remember you on day thirty take that as a sign that I relinquish all responsibility of the death note."

"Very well. How long until your plan starts?"

"Three days. There are still some preparations I need to make in the meanwhile." My right index finger tapped against the side of my cheek and my middle finger rested on the clef of my chin.

"Very well Raito. In thirty three days, if you do not remember, then I will take that as a relinquishment of the Death Note. I look forward to seeing the show you'll put on." The Death God flew out the house via the roof.

I shook my head. He still had three days. He didn't have to leave just yet. But it was better with him gone. It meant I could do something no one should ever bear witness to. This was going to be the next three days to the end of my tedious life. It was going to be great.

If nothing else, this was a shortcut for my lack of interest in anything. I couldn't remember the last time I was this excited.

An idea suddenly came to mind and I walked back downstairs when the phone rang. Mother handed me the phone, and I accepted it with a tired smile. I waited a moment before I said anything making sure no one was around me. No one else could know I was helping L out on this case.

"Sorry about that. I was just making sure the coast was clear." I gave a tired sigh and forced a yawn.

"I'm sorry Raito but Kira's killed again and L's asking you to come down." My overworked father seemed tired. I felt pity for him. I was about to reply when I heard a muffled sound as the receiver was being covered.

"Raito-kun, it would seem there's been another Kira killing."

My eyes slanted as L's voice came on. "So my father has informed me. Is it imperative that I come now? Is there something that can't wait for a few hours? I'm sure a fresh pair of eyes would be more useful than mine as they are right now."

"Oh…Was your night that rough?"

I smirked. He had just played right into my hand. "I'm afraid so. I don't think my body can withstand much more. I mean, we were at it for hours. I wasn't sure if I was able to make it home." I exaggerated the truth a little. Well, it was a mental stain putting up with morons for that length of time. After all, it was only French; it wasn't that hard of a language to learn. English, on the other hand, was a real bitch.

I could hear Matsuda in the background telling someone he knew I scored. I wanted to laugh. The only thing I scored tonight was a perfect score but I wasn't about to tell any of them that. Let them think what they will. Only idiots came up with conclusions before all the information was presented.

"Is that why you weren't answering your phone?"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry about that Ryuzaki. It seemed that I didn't have much of a battery left and I forgot my charger in the hotel. It didn't help that I kept receiving emails and messages that sucked up what battery I had left." My tone feigned distraught.

I proverbially patted myself on the shoulder. I turned and there stood Sayu staring at me with her mouth wide open. "You went to a hotel? It was a love hotel right?" She seemed almost excited. "I should tell mom!" She dashed out of the room. I didn't care what she said to mom because it would only further my cause for staying home.

"Ryuzaki, I have to go; unless of course you would care to explain to my mother and my sister about a love hotel." I listened to the hurried reply then hung up. Trapping my sister in a corner before she was able to reach our mother I threatened her. "Go ahead and tell mom, but then I'll be forced to let slip the one time I caught you coming out of karaoke with your shirt buttoned up all wrong."

Her eyes shot wide with fear then lowered as anger took over her. "You wouldn't dare."

"Would you care to play the game?" I baited her and took a step closer to the living room where Mom was watching the news.

"Fine. I won't tell. But you have to promise me you'll bring her over so I can meet her."

I couldn't help but laugh. Everything about this conversation was juvenile and highly amusing. "What makes you think it's a girl?" That in fact was pure truth. It was Sayu's gutter-mind that led her to believe that I was only in the room to fuck.

Granted, that's what most people do in a hotel room. They either sleep or screw like bunnies. Ryuzaki didn't do either. Then again, I wouldn't classify Ryuzaki as a person either. I left my sister standing there, rooted to her stop in disbelief. It was her own fault her mind was in the gutter.

I had just scored myself a free night off. The clincher was that my cell phone was dead and there was no way to get a hold of me. My duty had been fulfilled as the Death God; my duty to the investigation was placed on hold for the night; and I had no homework to do thanks to being in a confined space with Ryuzaki for so long.

One blissful night off.

But there was still so much to do and so little time to do it all in and still have a safe comfort zone to work with. So, I called him back on his cell phone and told him I wouldn't be able to aid them tonight but I asked him out for cake and coffee away from the office and the Kira case. Oh yes, I was too tired to work but I wasn't so tired I couldn't venture out for coffee.

Of course, he wouldn't refuse. He wanted—no craved my touch. I almost released a cackle while talking to him, but managed to bite my lip silencing my slip. Kira was dire to him, but I suspected he craved to know the condition I was in. I knew he was thinking 'what kind of mental state could Raito-kun possibly be in if he can't come help?'

Besides, the case wasn't going anywhere and there were investigators already handling the new murder. A disappearance for a few hours was nothing.

He was already waiting at the café when I entered. I wasn't surprised; inviting him out to such a place meant it would be on my tab not his. It didn't matter. There were more important things to set into motion and this was the small price I would have to pay. I was ready.

He was already seated in a booth away from prying eyes and all mirrors and windows. How comforting. I wanted to roll my eyes. But I would make it work for me. I always managed to. I slid into the booth with ease. Ryuzaki already had a piece of cake in front of him and two coffees sitting on the table.

He even poured the cream into the cup, and I'm sure the recommended sugar dosage of half a kilogram per square inch. Taking a sip of the coffee, I wasn't surprised in the least to find it super sweet.

"Why did you call me out here Raito-san? Why couldn't you come down to the hotel and aid with the investigation since you appear able enough…" His eyes never left mine, not even to flicker his gaze down to the plate in front of him.

"I think I've been a little mean towards you, and I've come to make up for that." Before he could answer, the waitress made her stop and I placed an order. Ryuzaki's eyebrow rose slowly as I only ordered sweets.

"I'm sure my vitality and endurance is due to my youth." I answered his question the moment the waitress left to fill my order.

She came back a few moments later and placed them on the table. Naturally, Ryuzaki reached over to grab a piece, but I expected it and removed the plate from his grasp.

"These are all mine." I picked up one that wasn't brimming with diabetes induced whipped cream and topping. "I don't mind sharing though." I smirked as I placed the horrid thing in my mouth and watched as his eyes went wide in disbelief. It was actually tasty, or would be if they cut back on the sugar.

I managed to finish it with composed ease and rinsed my mouth with the coffee flavored sugar water. I picked up the one with the chocolate strawberry toping and slowly moved it to my mouth. I flicked my tongue at the whipped cream and threw my head back as if enjoying the desert before me.

I would have laughed at his expression if this wasn't all a part of my plan. With his lightning fast reflexes, he leaned over and took the treat from my fingers. He leaned back with a satisfying smirk on his face.

He thought he had won. Again, it was all a part of my plan. What he wasn't expecting was me leaning over and literally sticking my tongue in his mouth taking the dainty that was rightfully mine.

It didn't take him long to react and responded by twirling his tongue against mine. I could feel bits and pieces of the still unchewed treat in his mouth. I broke off the kiss and leaned back. I took a sip of coffee washing away his chewed pieces from my mouth.

I wanted to gag, but I controlled my urge and looked at him. "That was tasty." I even licked my lips for good measure. God, how I wanted to hurl! That was the most disgusting thing I have ever done. It would also be the last time I ever did such a heinous thing.

I watched as Ryuzaki's eyes glazed over. He was more than ready for what I had planned for him next. I offered him the plate of remaining sweets. He seemed almost disheartened. There was no way I was going to pull something like that again. Once was enough. Besides, I was trying to keep down the contents already in my system.

I watched as he placed his fork in his mouth. His eyes would close as he savored the contents. I slipped off my shoe and waited for him to do it again. On cue, he did it again and I used this opportunity to press my foot against his crotch. The way he sat in the booth cried "easy access" and how could I not take full advantage of that?

His fork dropped to the table with a loud clang. I stopped and removed my foot. "Is something the matter Ryuzaki?" I feigned concern.

"What was that?" His words came out breathless and hoarse.

"This is me trying to make up for teasing you for so long." I continued to play footsy with his growing member. "If you want me to stop I will." I teased him by rubbing my foot along his length a few times before stopping.

Ryuzaki whimpered at the loss of contact. "Raito-kun." My name came out growled laced with sexual frustration. It was just the way I wanted it to be. "Why are you doing this?"

"I told you already Ryuzaki, this is an apology for how I've treated you." I leaned over and reached for my shoe and slipped it back onto my foot. "I thought you would have appreciated my gesture."

I started to slide my way out of the booth. "Enjoy the deserts Ryuzaki; it's on me since I called you out. Good luck with the investigation."

I paid for both of the meals, thinking that Ryuzaki would need a few moments to compose himself before being able to leave the facility with some dignity. I made a quick glance back to the booth and saw he was no longer there. He probably hurried off to the bathroom to relieve himself…if he even knew how.

I hadn't planned on being quite so mean, but the opportunity presented itself and I flew in for the kill. I exited the café and started on my way back home. Before I could even react, I was slammed against the brick siding. The air escaped my lungs, and Ryuzaki took full advantage of my opened mouth.

I could feel the fierce heat of his mouth sear my lips as he plunged his tongue into my mouth looking to conquer. Now I knew how bad he wanted it. I guess my antics and gestures in the café sent him over the edge. He was exactly where I wanted him to be.

I guess I would be continuing on with my game. My hands reached upwards to grab a fistful of his hair as I dragged his head lower to deepen the kiss. Tonight I was going to throw away every fragment that made me the perfect being. Tonight I would take hold of the lust and sexual tension and release it all on one single night.

Ryuzaki broke off the kiss panting for air. "Hotel. Now." He grounded out before pulling my arm and yanking me towards the nearest sex hotel, leaving no room for a reply.

I could only grin as Ryuzaki actually paid for the room and dealt with the front desk. I was highly amused by all this. I was so amused I even allowed him to graciously pull me into the elevator before he frantically started to feel my body.

Normally, inexperienced persons in the realm of sexual desires would immediately launch their attack at the person's genitalia. However, Ryuzaki must have read up on the subject. He was pinching and caressing my nipples through my shirt. I threw back my head, banging it against the metal of the elevator as he flicked my nipple with his thumb and middle finger.

The sharp jolt of pain and pleasure caused me to groan and bite down hard on my bottom lip trying to silence the cry. Oh I would make sure to repay him for that. Two could play at that. I silently cursed as the elevator seemed to move on slow motion before reaching our floor.

The moment the steel doors opened, we shot out of the car and made our way to the room. The moment the door was clicked opened; my hands were busy roaming his slightly damp skin.

It seemed as if it was a frenzy to see who could remove whose clothing first. Naturally, I won. I only won because I was wearing more clothes than a shirt and a pair of jeans. Ryuzaki's slim frame shook every time I touched his bare skin.

I wasn't about to be the bottom of this relationship, and I was about to prove it. Shoving Ryuzaki on the bed spread, I started to nip and lick at the milky white skin beneath me. His tiny pink nipples stood erect and contrasted his pale body. I took one perked nipple into my mouth and sucked on it. I felt his body shiver and arch as he pressed his body further into my mouth.

I smirked and trailed a wet, slippery path lower, circling around his navel before making my way lower. I kissed his tip before ignoring the pulsing member completely. I nipped lightly at the inside of his thighs. Ryuzaki cried out and tried to reach out, only managing to grab a fistful of hair and pulling me towards him in a savage kiss.

Our pulsing erections sliding against one another, the pre-cum acting like a slippery lubricant. My free hand reached down and tenderly massaged the furry sacs. I felt his breathless gasp against my mouth.

Ryuzaki's entire body shook violently as his first wave of pleasure took. I was surprised he lasted this long. It was far from over and I let him know that by lowering myself back down Ryuzaki's body, kissing and licking the white gooey substance before making my way to its source.

All I had to do was place the hot rod in my mouth before he lost himself again. I drank up everything his body produced before continuing on. I placed my finger in Ryuzaki's mouth and he hungrily sucked on it. Once it was good and wet, I placed it inside him.

His body sucked my finger in further. Pumping the finger in and out, I prepared it for another. I watched as his body hungrily accepted the additional digit. A light sheen of sweat glistened off his body as he was taken higher on the plane of ecstasy.

My two fingers were able to move with not much resistance as I continued to stretch the muscles making them able to take my larger portion.

"Hurry Raito," Ryuzaki panted, clawing the bed sheet in anticipation.

"I don't want to hurt you." I calmly told him as I continued my ministrations bringing him to the brink of pleasure and back.

"Don't…Care…Hurry…Please." His desperate pleas made me grin.

I removed my fingers and placed my erection over his opening. Ryuzaki squirmed trying to push himself inside me, my hovering heat almost driving him crazy with desire. I wouldn't keep him waiting for long. With one thick thrust, I pushed myself into him until he was full to the brim with all of me inside him.

Ryuzaki cried out in pain. I leaned forward and devoured his cries with my lips. Tears streamed down his cheeks and I greedily licked and kissed them from his face. I wanted to move, I wanted to break him until he was split in two, but tonight wasn't about that. Tonight was about atonement.

Slowly, I started pulling back, loosening the muscle that was clenched down hard. It felt so good; I didn't want to move. I was almost out and started slowly to push my way back in.

"It hurts," Ryuzaki cried.

"Don't worry, it'll feel good soon." I sucked on a nipple clashing pleasure with pain.

I watched as the body beneath me contorted, twisting and grabbing onto the sheets as his body arched giving me full access and dominance over it. His sweat trailed a thin line down his forehead as he thrashed his head from side to side.

Slowly, I pumped in and out enjoying the sight before me. Right now he was in no position to do or say anything. He was just the way I wanted him. I didn't think about who or what I was doing, if I had, I would have probably cried out in disgust.

"Hurry, Raito. Faster." The soft panted command was my green light.

I quickened the pace, my breathing becoming slightly labored as my body went through a workout. It wasn't long before Ryuzaki came again. I wasn't close to being finished. Without removing myself from him, I flipped him around so he was on all fours like the dog he was. His head arched back as he growled his pleasure.

I dug my nails into his thin hips and picked up the pace. It didn't take him long before his head hit the sheet, his arms not able to hold up his weight. I snickered and reached around and pumped his once again hard member with my right hand.

His grunts and groans became more guttural as he lost his voice to the pleasure his body was experiencing. His body clenched down hard, and I thought for a moment I was about to lose all sense of myself. I could feel his body coming close to climax again and I was almost with him.

"I'm going to come."

"Hold it back, I'm almost there too." I pumped several more times, his body shaking violently as he tried holding back himself.

"I can't…"

"I'm coming." I grunted as I felt my entire body explode in a sea of white and stars.

"Kira." Ryuzaki screamed as his body shook and liquid spewed from its opening and continued to flow long after his body slumped onto the bed in exhaustion.

I loomed over the exhausted Ryuzaki. Drool was dripping down his opened mouth. His chest heaved heavily. I peeled back the bed sheets and slipped the sleeping Ryuzaki into it. This was probably the only time I would ever see him sleeping.

I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Ryuzaki, what is your real name?" I listened for a moment before a mumble came from his lips. My eyes darkened and suddenly this all seemed worth it. The word 'Victory' rang through my head.

I left the sleeping Ryuzaki and slipped into the shower washing off the filth I had performed tonight. It was a small price to pay, but it was worth every penny. After the shower I dried and redressed. I wrote a small note on the stationary next to the small desk before leaving.

Everything now had officially been raised to the next level. The only thing I could think of was carpe diem—and that was something I planned on doing.


	6. Part vi

It was a beautiful afternoon, and the sun was dipping on the horizon, shining its rays in my eyes. I cursed slightly, under my breath, as the light slightly blinded me. They say to never look directly in the sun. This time I wasn't trying, I simply looked up and there it was—blinding me in its greatness.

Had Ryuuk been hovering above me, he would have cackled at my lack of attention, and I would have ignored him. Right now the Death God wasn't worth my time and I gave no second thought as to where the Death God might be or what he might be doing. For that I needed to care— and I didn't.

I was restless as usual and felt like there was something I needed to be doing on top of being the greatness that I was.

This was all fun and games, but even I was growing tired at how easy it was to have the great detective L in the palm of my hand. Seeing him powerless to stop me was a thrill; but like all thrills, it was losing its edge. Even having his name, the name I wanted so badly to know--was all nothing now that I knew it.

I felt like it was game over. It was the same thing as beating the final boss in a video game and seeing the end cut scenes. It was not satisfying once the task was actually completed. Was the hunt truly over? I wanted to win, but did it have to be so quickly? I was hoping to play a tad longer.

Stopping at an intersection, I looked up and saw the red hand move from blinking to a solid red. Without having to check the time on my wristwatch I stood still as the old lady standing next to me didn't look up as she walked off the curb. I called out to her but she kept walking right along. Hurriedly, I glanced around and noticed a car speeding towards her.

I knew he couldn't see her. The sun that had blinded me, was now blinding the driver. I did the only thing I could think of, I raced into the street and managed to pull her to safety. I let out a sigh of relief before I felt something large and metal hit my side before I was thrown into the air like a rag doll.

If it was any consolation to myself, this was one sure-fire way to cure the boredom I was experiencing.

* * *

I awoke surrounded by white. White sheets covered my bandaged body. White sheets were enclosed all around me giving me some privacy from the chaos behind the cloth. Loud voices were shouting out, causing my ears to ring long after their voices died.

I remembered I had saved an old lady and was hit in the process. But I couldn't remember anything before that.

It was weird. I could remember who I was and how I got here, but ask me what I was doing before and I couldn't tell you. I could remember where I lived and the names of my family, but nothing about what I was doing. I tried to recall names of my friends, but none came to mind.

It was like there was a steel trap keeping everything out. I felt more lost than afraid. I wondered if there was something my mind didn't want me to remember. How could that be? I had done nothing wrong.

From behind the white sheets, I heard a commotion and wondered slightly what had happened. I was curious. I know I was just hit by an oncoming car, and all reason told me to stay in bed and rest. The curious part of me wanted to see the chaos. For some strange reason I was drawn to it; like a moth to a flame.

I sat up and grunted at the pain in my right side. Slowly moving to my feet, I staggered to the wall to use as my support. I watched on as doctors and nurses ran about the halls like the flames of Hades were on their heels. The intercom voiced codes and pages for doctors boomed in my sensitive ears but I stood watching the surrealism of it all.

Moving slowly along the hall, so slow the entire world seemed as if was on fast forward, I reached a small waiting room. A little girl was clutching her teddy bear crying for her mom. It was a sad thing, to be left alone in the world, especially in a place like this. I walked to the nearest chair and collapsed into it.

Walking that little way seemed to take my strength away. She looked up at me with her tear filled eyes. "Will my Mommy be okay?"

I looked around for a doctor to ask but they were all too busy to answer her question. I placed my hand atop her head and smiled as softly as I could. "I'm sure she'll be just fine."

I winced as I moved the wrong way and felt the pain flare along the side of my body. I fought back my cry and lodged it deep within my throat. "Are you okay Mister?" Her voice was filled with concern. I was a complete stranger to the kid, and yet she still found room in her heart for compassion. For some reason I found that a strange thought. My instincts were telling me that compassion was dead, and yet, here she was giving it to me.

I leaned back until my head was touching the cool, white wall. "I'll survive." I told her after a few moments of silence. I couldn't tell the child the truth. For some reason I couldn't tell the child before me that her mother would some day die. It might not be today, but it could be tomorrow. For some reason the voice of reason and reality wouldn't voice itself. I didn't understand the reason why I felt a need to be realistic to the point of being cynical.

She scurried up on the seat next to me, and for a while we just sat there in silence. I was thankful that she wasn't a talker. We were both in our own little worlds. We both didn't know if we would ever regain what was lost to us and I took a slight comfort in that.

That was a scary enough thought on its own. "The doctor is calling you." I touched her shoulder to realize she had fallen asleep against me. The girl rubbed her tear filled eyes and looked at the doctor calling her name.

"Your Mother will be just fine; you can see her now."

The girl's eyes lit up. She leaned over and gave me a hug. I gritted my teeth not wanting to show her she had caused much pain. She was so innocent and pure. I wondered if I had or will have children like that some day. So many questions arose because of her simplicity.

"Bye Mister. Take care!" She strolled off, hand in hand with the doctor.

It was about time I made my way back to my own room. I took a deep breath and stood. I could endure the pain a little while longer. I got myself here; I could take myself back.

"You two looked almost cute together." My eyes flashed over to the last seat. A man, about my age, was sitting in such a weird position. His shoes remained on the floor and his feet were on the seat. I watched for a quick moment as his toes curled and flexed against the cloth cushion before looking away.

I was glad the girl was safe. He looked almost like a predator, there was a gleam in his eyes when he spoke and it was unsettling. Something about him told me to get far away from him. No, that wasn't right. I wasn't afraid of anyone and I surely never backed down…but something about him made my nerves tingle; telling me—no insisting me on being alert.

"I think it best if I get back to my room now." I gave him a stark reply before setting on ignoring him and getting back to bed.

"You're going to ignore me, even after I brought you flowers?" The man gracefully stepped from the chair and followed me.

"I'm afraid you have me confused with someone else." I grabbed onto the railing attached to the wall and slowly inched my way closer to my room, ignoring the pain searing along my side and back.

I managed to get a few feet ahead of him when I felt a crash into my injured side. Pain blinded me and I wondered if I was going to pass out on the dirty tile floor. Somehow I managed to land on my hands and knees. I felt tears of pain seep from my eyes. I wanted to scream out to the false gods and curse each and every one of them. What did I ever do to deserve such a bad karmic joke?

A wave of pain flowed from my right side. I stayed on the ground until the waves passed. I wasn't sure if I had eaten or not today, but I was certain it would be coming up. I tried breathing until the waves of pain and nausea subsided but it wasn't working too well. Well, that was a lie. They didn't cease, but I forced myself to stand and continue on. I was on a slow mission to get back to my room. All I wanted to do now was get into the horribly uncomfortable hospital bed and dose myself up with painkillers.

If I could feel relief for even five minutes, it would be worth it. The strange man helped me to my room and stayed with me until I could move into a laying position. I could feel the sweat strain and pour off my forehead. I was exhausted. Every muscle seemed overworked and muscles I never knew I had ached.

Somehow, I managed the strength to look over at him. "I'm sorry for being rude; it's just been a long day." If he was kind enough to help me back to my room, the least I could do was be civil. So what if he looked like a pedophile? He was kind enough to help a complete stranger, the least I could do was give my thanks.

For a moment I thought I saw a flash of uncertainty and confusion flash in his eyes. I was probably mistaken. "I understand. You've been through a lot. You should rest now." He walked over and placed the covers on top of me. I smiled at him, thankful he had done that. I didn't know if I'd had the strength to do it myself.

"Thank you." I managed weakly, while trying to gain some strength. "By the way, I'm Yagami Raito, and you are?" I slightly managed to extend my arm for a feeble handshake managing only to raise it a few inches before my entire arm started to convulse. It was poorly executed, but I'm sure he understood.

The oddly postured man simply stared at me. He left in such a hurry he had forgotten to shake my outstretched hand. For a while I had wondered if I had done anything wrong. A few minutes later, a nurse walked in and adjusted the medication. Soon, the pain medication was taking effect, and then I fell into an unconscious, drug induced sleep.

I remember dreaming about faces and names I couldn't quite remember. It was like watching a drama with no sound and more static than picture. I felt like banging on something in hopes of gaining better reception. Yet, I felt like I have to hold myself back just incase the one good thump does more harm than good. Having some picture was better than no picture at all.

I awoke to find two days of my life had just passed me by. My room was filled with flowers and cards. The nurses placed the cards on my lap and I read them. Some of the names I knew, like my family, and yet some I had no idea.

While reading the notes of encouragement, I wondered why my father's comrades would be sending me getwell cards. It was nice of them for the thought, but it was unnecessary. I mean I didn't know these people. If they were in my position, I don't think I would have sent them a card. No, I knew for I fact I wouldn't have cared.

I did appreciate the thought. I watched as the nurse placed all the cards back before writing on my chart and leaving me in peace. I wanted to stop the nurse and ask her questions, meaningless questions about the news and the world outside my walls, but I realized that I didn't know if that was like me or not.

I didn't want to alarm anyone that I couldn't remember anything about the past few years. This was something I would have to deal with on my own. There wasn't any known drug or treatment that could fix my memory loss. I just hoped it wasn't permanent, and I could have everything resolved before anyone could notice.

I didn't know what type of person I was or wasn't. I figured it was best to stay silent and observe before I did anything that caused suspicion. I had this embedded urge to keep everything inside me until the moment to strike was hot. Just what was I? Who was I? A giant piece of me was missing and I needed to know what it was.

I heard my father's voice shouting in the hall about wanting to see me and the nurse stating that I needed to rest.

"Your son needs his rest."

"He's been asleep for two days now! How much longer is this going to take?"

"It's okay nurse, I can see my father for a while." I called out to the voices.

Moments later, my father appeared looking worn out but highly relieved. Then the barrage of questions was shot at me. I answered them all with the greatest of ease. Luckily, he had asked nothing of the past few years—those are the memories I couldn't get back.

He was in the midst of telling me a story of my sister when the odd postured stranger appeared. "Your cell phone is shut off, that's why I've come." He was somehow able to predict my Father's unanswered question. "It seems there has been more activity."

"More activity?" My interest was peaked. I didn't know what they were talking about, but for some reason I wanted—no needed to know.

"Yes Raito-san, it seems while you've been laying here in the hospital bed, Kira has been killing." One of his hands was jammed into his ratty jean pocket while his other hand reached into his back pocket and fished out a piece of paper.

It was weird seeing him. His slouching form, the odd way he held the piece of paper between his fingertips, the white shirt that could no longer be considered clean (no matter how many times it was washed), the jeans that looked like they should be burnt…

I could only guess at his shoes. For some reason I couldn't picture this guy wearing any. It was an absurd thought. Who didn't wear shoes? He had a pair when he stalked me…those were his shoes, right?

I watched as my father read the piece of paper before handing it off to me. I wasn't all too sure what I was supposed to do with the paper, but I read its contents nonetheless. This all was standard police information. Was I supposed to be reading this? Did I have the privilege to read this? What else was I missing from my life? These seemed like vital questions.

I wasn't about to get myself worked up over all this. They say that most times people regain their memories after a short while…but how long was short?

I handed the piece of paper back to the oddity. He gave me a quizzical look before putting it back into his back pocket. "Raito-san, what is your take on all of this?"

I stopped for a moment and looked at him before licking my lips and replying. My father interjected himself on my behalf. "Ryuzaki-san, surely you can't expect my son to still aide the investigation while he's recuperating from a major accident?"

"I wouldn't be here if this wasn't important. I do believe your son still holds the key to solving this." The man, my father called Ryuzaki, fidgeted.

"You don't think…" My father started, "You don't think Kira caused Raito's accident because he's involved in the case?" I watched as the proud man slumped into his chair and started to slowly shake. "I knew there was a possibility of Raito getting hurt because of his involvement with us, but Kira knew nothing of Raito's involvement!"

Ryuzaki shook his head, "I don't think that was the case. I don't think Kira had anything to do with this."

"I agree with him father." Both stopped and stared at me. Ryuzaki was more shocked and surprised that I would go along with his idea. I couldn't see why I would; it was sheer lunacy. I was hit by a car saving some little old lady…not by this Kira-who-ever-he-is-person.

My father gaped like a fish for a moment before whispering my name, "Raito."

I decided to explain. "I was walking across the street when this little old lady started to cross. The oncoming driver couldn't see us because of the setting sun. I saved her while sacrificing myself. I heal a lot faster than the elderly. End of story. It was not a hard decision to make."

"What makes you think that Kira didn't lead up to all of this? You know he is capable of doing it. It wouldn't be the first time he's done something to throw us off track."

"Kira wouldn't do something as trivial as this." Ryuzaki asked my father's unanswered question.

Both men turned and looked at me waiting for my response. I didn't want anyone to know that I had lost part of my memory, but I guess the cat was out of the bag. "I have a question I need to ask." I waited as their eyes focused on me. The silence in the room was deafening. Had a pin dropped, I probably could have heard it loud and clear.

Clearing my throat and mustering my pride, I looked directly at the intruder in my room, "Who are you? And who exactly is this Kira?"


	7. Part vii

No, I'm not dead. I've been super busy with works (yes in plural). Welcome back to North America E!! Enjoy the new chapter.

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**Chapter 7**

A week later I was discharged from the hospital on strict bed rest and a sworn promise to take it easy. Of course, I told them that I would, so long as there were no more old ladies that needed saving. The nurses laughed as they pushed my wheelchair out the main doors.

The man named Ryuzaki provided a car, so I didn't have to take the subway home. He didn't have to be so kind; I mean I didn't know him. Plus, now it felt like I owed him. I hated owing people. He kept staring at me the entire time. Did I have something stuck to my face? I squelched the urge to verify.

My family greeted me with open arms. I was thankful to be home. Don't get me wrong, the hospital staff was great, they treated me well—after all, I was a hero. I saved someone with no consequence of my own welfare. That in itself called for star treatment.

Without so much as a goodbye or a thank you to the strange man that brought me home, my family ushered me up to my room for some "rest." I had just had my fill of rest, but if it would remove me from the man's intense eyes burning holes into my skull, I was forever grateful.

My room was quiet and uneventful. There were no machines bussing, no scurried feet (of what sounded like rats) on a tiled floor, no thin sheets leaving nothing to the imagination, no lights that shone directly into my face at all hours of the day and night. My room was definitely uneventful.

Oh yes, it was good to be home.

I undressed into something more comfortable and laid myself gently on the soft mattress. I groaned in delight as my body sunk down into the perfect bed. This was now the number one reason to be home: a large soft bed that could fit three of me easily. It didn't take me long to find the sweet spot. This was probably what heaven felt like.

Rolling over, I reached into the jacket pocket and flipped open the cellular phone and turned it on. Being in the hospital for a week meant my phone was inaccessible. I could have gone somewhere to turn it on and check for messages, but I didn't know who would call. Instead of getting my hopes up and being let down, I kept it off.

Now there was not a reason to keep it off. The screen slowly came to life. Briefly, I saw my background picture before an envelope popped up indicating I had unheard messages. One hundred and sixty four to be precise. I wasn't even sure if my phone could hold that many, but I guess I was proven wrong.

The first four messages were nothing but breathing on the other end of the line. The next was a message from Ryuzaki followed by a few more breathing on the other end. By message number 53 it was either Ryuzaki or just breathing on the other end. I knew I should just erase them all, but what if I erased them all and there was something, a clue, to my past memories.

So, deciding not to chance fate, I listened to each and every one of the messages. Three hours later, I was finally done listening to them. I wished now I had just deleted them and saved myself the trouble. That was the thing with hindsight; it was always right on the money.

I sighed and closed the face, tossing the phone to my side. Not even three seconds later, a loud noise came from the phone. I looked at the screen and noticed it was Ryuzaki's number—again.

"Hello?" I answered not sure as to how I usually answered it.

"You should have returned my phone call the moment you turned on your phone."

I sighed and sunk further into the mattress. "I just finished listening to all the messages, and I would have called you back but you called first." I answered. I had no clue what the man could want.

I felt bad for him, I guess. I would feel bad too if someone lost all memory of me. I wasn't too sure if he was a friend or an acquaintance. Granted acquaintances don't call over a hundred times. So what was this man to me?

The guy still continued to say nothing over the phone. "Ryuzaki-san, I should let you go if you have nothing to say. I'm actually kind of tired and I dislike wasting air time." I knew I didn't like to hear nothing but heavy silence over the phone. At least that part was familiar. You say what you have to say then get off the phone. It was a simple concept.

"Please Raito-kun," His voice seemed almost pathetic…child-like. "Talk to me for a little while longer. Tell me that everything that's happened has been nothing but a bad dream. Tell me that you really do remember me."

The voice on the other end seemed distant and heart broken. Part of me felt pleased, while the other part felt almost sorry for him. "I'm sorry Ryuzaki-san. I don't remember you." Maybe that was a little too blunt, but I didn't want to beat around the bush.

A dejected sigh was released on the other end. "Alright then, have a good night." A soft click was heard followed by a dial tone. I gently closed the face of the cell phone and placed it back beside me. I moved wrong and felt a sharp stabbing pain run down my side. Sad to say, this pain was all too real. I too wished that everything were nothing but a nightmare.

I closed my eyes and felt my body slowly relax as sleep took hold. I awoke three hours later to find myself covered in a thick sheen of sweat. My chest heaved as I gasped for air. My heart thundered and pounded against my ribcage.

'_What the hell was that?_' I demanded to myself. The dream I has was so vivid and alive, I could literally taste it, and it wasn't because of the copper taste in my mouth. Somehow I had bit the inside of my cheek and now it was slightly bleeding.

At first, all I could see were glowing red eyes. If I was an artist, I could have covered the entire canvas with these soul-stealing eyes. They were foreign and yet so familiar. It was almost as if I had seen them before. How could that be? No human—or even animal had eyes like that. What could it mean?

Those eyes pierced my very soul as if it could see all of me; read my most inner thoughts, and I was shaken by this. I didn't like this feeling one bit. I was on edge because of this. I almost jumped at the shadows on the wall. I sighed in frustration. This was ludicrous, I wasn't afraid of anything—I think.

There was no chance now of me going back to sleep. I could turn on the television, but it was the middle of the night and there would be nothing to watch but infomercials. That didn't appeal to me one bit. No one needed a new toaster or a fake diamond ring at three in the morning.

Instead, I opted for a cool glass of water. Quietly, and ever so slowly, I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. I opened the cupboard and took out a glass. Suddenly, I realized something. A year ago mother had moved the glasses because of a slight tremor that broke several of them. She was upset because the ones that broke were her favorites.

Why could I remember something so useless as this, but I couldn't remember this Ryuzaki person? What was my mind trying to hide from me? I wondered if it had anything to do with that Kira case they were talking about.

At first they thought it was a joke because I had needed my rest and just wanted to get out of it. But when I didn't jump up and shout 'just kidding' they knew I was serious.

Ryuzaki kept staring at me—trying to figure something out. I didn't know what he could have been thinking, so I just left him be. The two men made light talk over facts and ideas before the subject was forgotten. I tried asking a few general questions about the investigation but I was turned down and told to rest.

During my week's stay at the hospital, I was only able to discover that Ryuzaki was the lead detective on the Kira case. He was supposedly some famous detective named L. By the way he was dressed I wouldn't have believed it had it not come from my father.

He also informed me that I helped out with the case. I tried to learn more, but I was shot down every time. Everything was always 'later'. 'We'll talk about this later.' or 'Later, when you start to remember.'

It was infuriating but somehow I managed.

All this got me thinking, did I know something about the Kira case that they didn't? I scoffed at the thought. Of course I wouldn't. I would never withhold information. I supposedly helped the investigation; I would not hinder it.

I groaned in frustration. I knew to take it easy on myself. The doctors said that my memory would come back with time. It had only been a week. I knew better than to get frustrated at myself, but I couldn't help it.

I was missing a whole chunk of my recent life, and it was getting to me. I set the empty glass in the sink and went back into my room. I flipped on the light switch and went over to my bookcase and pulled out a rack from the bottom.

Pulling out the magazine, I noticed the date. This one was dated two months ago. It was a nude magazine. Funny, I couldn't remember my past but I could remember the article on toxic treatment. I even knew it was on page 37. My brain had some serious issues. I let out a quiet laugh at the insanity of it all.

I continued to flip through the magazines. They were all less than two years old. I flipped the cover and stared at the partially naked females before me. I had half expected my body to react at the sight, but it did nothing for me. Semi-naked females and not an ounce of a hard on…?

Did this mean I was impotent? No…I couldn't be, could I? I decided to find out for myself. I hurried over and locked my bedroom door. I returned to my seated position and leaned against my bed. My back was braced by the box spring and mattress as I pumped my limp member a few times and watched as it started to harden.

Scratch that theory. I wasn't impotent. I cast that theory aside as I rearranged my pants. It was a slight relief to know I had working parts. Was I gay? No, I couldn't be. Could I? Then it hit me. Is that why Ryuzaki kept calling me? Were we lovers? Did we have sex? My mind whirled and I started to gag. The thought of the two of us together … that way… My throat started to close; I started to dry heave. '_Breath Raito, just breath._' I tried to calm myself and failing.

It wasn't possible. I couldn't even imagine the two of us together, there was no way we could ever be intimate. Slowly, I was able to regain my breath. I put away all the magazines. So I was officially back at step one. No, make that minus step one. I was now faced with the small-to-none chance that we were intimate. I was officially sickened by the thought.

I was no closer to where I wanted to be. The only things that theory got me were scarring mental images and the feeling I would not want to eat for a week. I decided I would rather have the dreams than the mental pictures. At least I knew for sure that dreams like those red eyes weren't real.

Unlocking my door and turning off the light, I crawled back into bed. I had more than enough excitement for one night. The dreams started as soon as my eyes drifted close.

Red, murderous eyes cackling in delight over my plight. "Who are you? Why are you doing this to me?" I shouted at the monster before me. White jagged teeth smiled, showing me a horrid sight. A thin, crooked finger pointed off to my left. I turned and looked towards the direction he was showing.

Everything was bright, too bright for me to see. I covered my eyes to shield them, or I would have been blinded by brightness. Suddenly everything was dark again. I screamed, startled by the figure before me. I wanted to jump back, be away from him but my feet were rooted to the floor. I struggled but I still couldn't move. He was cloaked all in black. His face was hidden behind his hood. His hand snaked out to open the cape to reveal a pair of ratty jeans and a soiled white t-shirt.

I knew that ensemble from somewhere. It took a second before it clicked. It was Ryuzaki-san's. I called out his name. His left hand tossed back his hood to reveal himself. As the cape fell, a sickle started to grow and curve. His eyes darkened and a slight smile—no, smirk was plastered on his face.

"What does this mean? Why are you the Grim Reaper? What do you want with me? I'm sorry I don't remember you, okay?"

He raised his right hand and the sickle stretched backwards. As the sickle came back around, I screamed as I caught my own image in the sharp blade.

My eyes flashed open, darting around looking for the Grim Reaper. My silent scream was lodged in my throat. My hands flew to my neck. I was alive. I checked my hands to see if there was blood. It was clean. I was alive. I looked over and checked the time. It was already mid-day. This was a good thing, because there was no possible way that I was going back to sleep.

One nightmare was enough, but two…

What did it mean? Was my dream supposed to be a warning? If so, a warning about what? I needed to get out of my room. I needed to think. I got a change of clothing and made my way to the bathroom.

After my shower, I made my way downstairs. Mom was in the kitchen cleaning up breakfast dishes.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" She asked the moment I sat in my seat.

"Thank you. I would." I replied as I picked up the paper and turned it to the financial page. The cup of coffee was placed in front of me.

"Oh, have you already read the front page about Kira?"

Partially confused, I looked up from behind the paper. I closed it and looked at the front page. KIRA AVENGES AGAIN. "Why would I be interested in this Kira person?" If no one would tell me, I could always play ignorant and say I didn't know.

Well, I technically wasn't lying to my mother; I didn't know who or what this Kira person was or is…

Since no one was supplying me with the answers I needed I felt I should set up the information session. I wasn't too sure how helpful my mother would be on an on-going police investigation, since my father never liked discussing work at home…but I was about to find out how much she really knew.

My mother's eyes seemed to widen. "You really don't remember anything about Kira?"

"You're the third person to ask me that. Is this Kira thing a big deal?" I placed the paper off to the side and picked up my cup of coffee and sipped its hot liquid. I watched her eyes as they widened for a split second before she coughed and used that time to school herself.

"I don't know much. I do know that you've shown an interest in Kira and you are aiding the investigation by keeping your eyes and ears open while you are going to University. Although, that's what your father has told me. I suspect you are more involved with the case than just that." She caught my questioning look and responded, "I am married to your father after all. I wouldn't be much of a policeman's wife and mother if I too didn't read between the lines."

Sometimes my mother amazed me. "What else do you suspect?" I was curious now.

"Well, I don't know. I can only give information on what I'm somewhat certain of. Oh, and Raito, please don't tell your father that I know. I think it'll only cause him more worry than necessary."

I watched in amazement as she turned around and went back to her cleaning.

So I was somehow involved with this Kira case. Then if I was aiding them, then that could be why I was shown all that information at the hospital. This was all starting to seem like an amusing puzzle left for me to put together.

I finished my coffee and grabbed an apple from the basket. I wasn't hungry for an apple…so why did I take it? I looked at the piece of fruit like it would tell me the secrets to my locked mind. It was preposterous but I figured having the apple near me would give me some sort of indication.

Since an apple couldn't talk, I knew one person who could. I went back into my room and picked up the mobile phone. He picked up on the first ring. "Do you remember anything?"

Not even a hello to begin the conversation. "I don't know. I had an interesting dream that I would like to share with you. Maybe you can shed some light on its meaning."

"Come down to the head quarters and we can discuss it here."

"Sure. That won't be a problem."

"Be here as soon as you can."

It felt like I was being ushered off the phone. "Wait." I called out hoping he hadn't hung up yet.

"What is it Yagami-kun?"

"Umm, where exactly is headquarters?" The other end seemed to go dead.

"Watari will be there in an hour to pick you up. Don't keep him waiting." This time the line went dead.

I had an hour to get ready which wasn't the problem. The problem I had was who the hell was Watari? How could I not keep him waiting if I didn't know what he looked like?

I felt this was going to be a long day.

A long day was right. I assumed right in picking out "Watari." I was early and he was the only one standing next to a car in front of my house. The trip was silent and uneventful.

However, once I reached to hotel, which I discovered was headquarters, I was bombarded by questions. Some faces I recognized from past cases and some faces were new to me. They mostly wanted to whom I remembered and what I remembered. For some reason I got the impression I was a main part of this investigation.

I watched Ryuzaki out of the corner of my eye. For some reason he seemed almost pained that I could remember some names and not his. I mentally shrugged. I couldn't help it if his name was one I couldn't remember.

The one Ryuzaki called Watari offered me a cup of coffee which I gratefully accepted. Soon after the chaos died down and I was able to speak.

"I had an interesting dream." The team gathered around me to listen. "You, Ryuzaki-san, were the Grim Reaper trying to kill me. You stood with your sickle raised for the kill and tried to slice off my head without so much as letting me speak my defense."

"Then what happened Raito-kun?" Ryuzaki licked the icing off his fork before cutting off another piece and placing it into his mouth.

"Should anything else happen? You were trying to kill me. Why would you want to kill me?"

"I don't think I was trying to kill you. I was probably trying to kill the other you."

"Other me?" He had just confused the hell out of me.

"Yes, Raito-kun. The you that is Kira."

"Ryuzk—" My father interjected.

"Kira? What the hell does that mean?" I cut my father off. I could feel my blood pressure rising.

"Your dream means that you are Kira and I am here to see that justice is done to you." Ryuzaki calmly took a sip of this sugared tea.

My eyes slanted in rage. "If I was this Kira person I would already turned myself in. I know for a fact that I am not a murderer."

"Then tell me Raito-kun, what does your dream mean?" I wanted to wipe the slight smirk off his face.

I took a deep breath. I could feel my insides scream from the pressure I was putting on them. I schooled my features. I was furious with this man but I felt this inane urge to remain calm. "I believe my dream meant that you are Kira. You were the grip reaper." I held out my left hand, "Kira is a killer." I held out my right hand to balance the two ideas. "It wouldn't be that far of a stretch."

"Then why would I be head of the investigation team trying to take him down?" Ryuzaki gave me a look.

I shrugged and took a sip of my coffee before putting it back onto the coffee table. I watched as he generously plunked several sugar cubes into my now wasted cup of coffee. "I've heard of serial killers being in charge of their own case. This wouldn't be any different."

"But I am not Kira, you are. I just need the evidence to prove it." He brushed me off and devoured a chocolate truffle.

I could feel the vein in my temple throb. This man was infuriating and I wasn't going to take anymore of it. I wanted to know what I was missing from my memory loss, but if it had anything to do with him then I was satisfied not knowing.

I knew deep down there was a reason why my mind wanted me to forget. Now I figured out why. This man—no, this beast was a jackass. "Very well then Ryuzaki." I stood from my seat. "You can find all the non-existent evidence you want on me. However, I will not be here to help you find any of it."

I walked toward the hotel door and opened it. "Hurry up and come back. There are matters I need to discuss with you."

I gave the detective a heated smirk. "Oh, I don't think you understand Ryuzaki. I don't plan on coming back." The room was silent as the heavy oak door closed on its own behind me.


	8. Part viii

Note: The long over due next chapter is here. Things start to get interesting from here. Read and enjoy. Now really E, you need to go on vacation more. I've done nothing but write since you left. So enjoy, and have an early birthday present from me to you (even if it is my birthday on the 30th). The next chapter will be out before I leave for vacation. So everyone thank the beta for her hard work. :)

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It had been a week since I walked out of the hotel room. I was no closer to solving the missing chunk of time. I knew it would come along when it wanted to present itself. For some strange reason I felt liberated, and I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

Well, that's not really true. I felt liberated, and yet, part of me says, what I did was stupid—that I was letting anger control me. Granted, I'm usually much more schooled than this, but I could only take so much. After all, I was only human.

Yes, I snapped. Yes, I felt so much better because of it. I could actually move forward with my life. I went back to University and gained my life back. Everything was normal. Life was actually good.

"Yagami-san, your phone is ringing again." A hoarse tone called from the other room.

"Then answer it for me will you." I replied to her from her small apartment kitchenette. I removed the whistling tea kettle from the element and poured the water into the tea pot. "Who was that?" I asked when I returned to the living room with the tray in hand.

"I don't know. It was the weirdest thing. It sounded like there was a pop on the other end and then everything went silent." She took the cup I was offering her and sipped it. "Thanks so much for coming by and helping me."

I took my own cup and sat on the small chair beside the couch. "I know what it's like to be out of commission for a week. You supplied me with the notes I needed so this is me helping you out."

I couldn't remember her name. I didn't really care enough to ask. She was someone I was with to kill time. I remembered something about her name meaning bright, but other than that … I shrugged.

She started to cough and I took the cup out of her hands before she burnt herself on the hot liquid. "Thank you and sorry Yagami-san."

"You should rest." I held out my hand to help her off her sofa.

"Sorry to be a bother." She took my outstretched hand and stood too quickly causing her to stumble into me. Had this been anyone else, I would have pushed them back into the couch. She was one of the only people in this world who didn't want me for my mind or body. Just what was wrong with her? I had hoped she was a lesbian and this wasn't a ruse to get to me.

Once she was secure in her own bed, I tucked her in and left her apartment, sliding her spare key into her mail slot.

My phone rang again. I recognized the caller. It was Ryuzaki. I don't understand why he would keep calling. I told him that I wouldn't return. This was getting to be annoying.

Finally at the last moment I answered my phone. "What is it Ryuzaki? I'm kind of busy here."

"I told you to come back. There is some information I need to discuss with you, and it can't wait any longer."

I glared at his tone. "I told you, I wasn't ever coming back. You can find this Kira person without me." I hung up the phone. Not even ten seconds later it was ringing again. This time I shut off the entire mobile device.

I couldn't be this Kira person Ryuzaki was proclaiming me to be. If I were, then I would be locked up in jail not fuming over his obsessive nature. Then did that mean that we were—are lovers?

That couldn't possibly be true. He literally made my skin crawl. He had this inane desire for sweets, he dressed like a slob, and he seemed a tad slow on the uptake. Those three things were enough to strike him out.

So why was he following me like a lost puppy? I decided to play on Ryuzaki's side of the field for a moment. I could be Kira; it would mean I have no memory of it. I could be Ryuzaki's lover; it would also mean I have no memory of it. The only person who would know for sure would be the one person I am avoiding. Could that be the reason why?

I mean Kira has been killing for two years, and I have no memory of my past two years. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, and the loss of erection when looking at the female smut could mean I'm gay. But Ryuzaki is far from my type. I like them smart and capable. But then he's supposedly some hotshot detective.

I don't know anything anymore. I sighed and turned on the cell phone. Not even two seconds later, my cell rang. I didn't even have to see the caller ID to know it was him. It was better to get the information from the horse's mouth than to keep myself up at night thinking about the possibilities.

Currently, I was in denial about everything that was happening. I knew it wasn't true…but it could be. I would deal with Ryuzaki tomorrow. Today I didn't want to deal with the possibilities. I wanted it all to sink in. My mind would work out the best possibility before our next encounter.

That night, I dreamt about the Grim Reaper. This time it was me. I watched on listening, observing, memorizing every detail about myself. I stood in glory with my sickle at my side. Slowly the blade morphed into a solid line, getting smaller until it was no bigger than a ballpoint pen.

I watched as I wrote down on a pad of black paper. Bodies appeared before me and fell to my feet for my approval. What did this all mean? Was Ryuzaki right? Was I Kira?

The red eyes that plagued me before hovered above the "would be me" cackling in approval. His smile was sickly, yet it felt so familiar.

My eyes flashed open and I gave a startled scream to the jet black eyes hovering about me.

"Ssh. You'll wake your family." He covered my mouth with his hand. "Have a bad dream?" He asked as if he being here, on top of me, while I slept was perfectly natural.

I ripped his hand from my face. I could taste the sugar on his fingertips. "No, I wasn't. Waking is the real nightmare." I hatefully seethed at him.

"So then you were sleeping well?" He seemed content to remain where he was.

I rubbed my eyes making sure I still wasn't dreaming. I partially wished I were. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I pushed him off me and threw my legs over the edge of the bed. "It's three in the fucking morning, Ryuzaki." I sighed and ran a hand through my bed head.

He bit this thumb for a slight pause and threw a folder down on the bed beside me. "You wouldn't answer my phone calls. I even left you messages."

Was this being before me really as good as they say? He seemed nothing more than a complete and utter moron! I rolled my eyes, "I didn't answer you because I had nothing I wanted to say to you."

Was it even possible now to get back to sleep? Why wasn't he asleep? I guessed by the size of the dark rings under his eyes he hasn't slept much in days or weeks. Didn't one's body shut down if it wasn't rested enough?

Ryuzaki pointed to the folder beside me. "I want you to take a look at that and give me your opinion."

I sighed and picked up the folder before standing. He didn't get it. Anything I was saying just rushed past his comprehension skills like air. "I told you, for the last time, I'm done with you." I threw the folder and its entire contents out the window.

"That wasn't very nice Raito-kun. Now the files are everywhere in your front yard. You could be charged with littering." He shifted on his bare feet.

Silently I groaned, holding my throbbing temples. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

Ryuzaki vivaciously shook his head, "No, I want to prove you're Kira ... not a litterbug."

I sighed and sat down on my chair. "Ryuzaki-san." I said awkwardly. "Can you answer me a couple questions truthfully?" I might as well get this done and over with. Mulling over it in the back of my mind got me nowhere. Asking the devil himself for the answers might not be the best thing, but it could certainly give me the answers I was looking for.

"What is it Raito-kun?" His eyebrows were raised.

"Answer me this: are you capable of telling lies?"

"Yes, but for the most part, I don't like to if I can avoid it."

"Am I Kira?" I looked straight at him waiting for some tell tale sign that he was lying to me.

"Yes, you are Kira." He answered the question without even thinking about it.

"How do you know?"

"You told me."

"Then why aren't I in jail?"

"I am trying."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I could feel my body temperature rising. I struggled to keep my voice down.

"It means I am trying to prove you are Kira." He bit down on his thumb contemplating on what he was telling me. So I pushed him further.

"So you mean to say that I am this Kira person, but you can't prove that I am Kira." Ryuzaki nodded his head and shifted his weight on his feet. That part of my life was starting to make sense. "How does Kira kill?"

I watched as he shook his head, "I don't know. How do you kill Raito-kun?"

It was my turn to shake my head. Something about my dream was telling me the answer but I didn't want to share it with him just yet…if ever.

"Is Kira such a bad person?"

"Kira kills with no regard to societal law. He needs to be stopped." His reply was what I was expecting. It's the view on how society should work; it was the normal, appropriate response.

"But Kira kills only criminals, right?" I watched as he could only nod his head in response. "Then if he's only killing criminals, then why is that such a bad thing? Wouldn't that mean that the streets are safer at night? Wouldn't that mean that justice is being sought for the people who cannot find it within our corrupted and abused system?"

"The taking of a life is still wrong Raito-kun. Why should one man be the judge to what is wrong or right?"

"You could say the same thing regarding religion Ryuzaki." The room was quiet for a long moment after that. Both of us lost in each of our own thought before I broke it again. "One more question Ryuzaki. What are we?" The silence in my bedroom was deafening.

"I don't—"

I cut him off. "Are we friends?" His head nodded, "Enemies?" He nodded his head again. "Lovers?" He nodded his head and turned three shades of red.

This was going to take some getting used to. Somehow I knew he had spoken the pure and simple truth. Why didn't I want to remember my past? It was all very mysterious and puzzling.

Now that I had two of the main key pieces of my memory to work with, I led Ryuzaki to my bedroom door. "I'm going back to bed. You should hurry back and get some rest." I opened the bedroom door and he stepped out. "Be as quiet as you did coming in." I gave him a quick peck on the lips and closed the door behind me as I made my way back to bed.

I touched the place on my lips were ours met. I felt this sudden rising urge to hurl. I didn't understand any of this. If we were lovers, why did a simple goodnight kiss feel so wrong and vile?

Was I playing a wicked game with Ryuzaki one in which both of us would get burnt if the truth came out? Was this part of the reason this Kira person wasn't caught? Was Ryuzaki my toy in making sure that I wasn't doing anything out of line? The questions surged through my mind.

Possibilities were calculating through my mind at a speed faster than I could process. The only thing I knew was that I had to brush my teeth and get the taste of his lips off mine. I almost cackled at the thought. So this was the type of person I really was.

To say I was surprised would have been a lie. The person standing before me in the mirror had just gotten a whole lot more interesting.


	9. Part ix

Big thanks to tai ping and XxSexiItxX for being my only two readers who reviewed. As promised, here's the next chapter. Now you get to wait until I come back from vacation and finish writing all the other stories on the hot seat. So everyone, please enjoy this chapter.

* * *

It had been close to a month since I had lost my memories. Since that time, I had been on a quest to find myself, or rather find out what kind of person I was. I was interesting really. I've enjoyed myself and my self-discovery so much that I never want to regain my memories.

All the key pieces were placed in my hand. I was told I was Kira; I just couldn't prove it. People still kept dying but I didn't know how I did it. Only the criminals would die. There was nothing wrong with that. Why should society be allowed to keep monsters on the street when they deserved to be caged like the beasts they were?

I mean that is the sensible idea. People who do evil things should be punished with Justice. Was that not what Kira was doing? What I was doing? Were we not punishing the oppressors and saving the weak?

Why could no one see that Kira truly deserved to be walking among the Gods!? As a society taking a human life is wrong, but what if the lives we are taking are no better than the animals we kill for our food? Does that still make killing wrong? Kill one to save a hundred. Why did no one see that?

It was sad to see the world we live in. Kira can be despised openly, but he can only be worshiped in print or on the net. It was indeed a sad world.

I stopped by the local fruit vendor and purchased an apple. Why I did so, I don't remember. But it was this strange urge—almost compulsion to do so. It felt like I had to or something would drive me crazy. Did it have anything to do with the creature hovering above me in my dream?

Every night I would dream. His name was … Ryuuk. He would wave at me and turn back to cackling at my dream self. I was no longer afraid of him, but who or rather what was he?

"This just in. The crazed man just struck again. He's holding people hostage. We go now for a live report."

I turned and faced the television. It was a quiet, deserted street, so I had the entire place to myself. I ate the apple as I watched the news. His face and name were clear on the screen. I had this intense urge to write down his name. Why? I couldn't be sure. If only I had a scrap piece of paper on me! I checked everywhere when my jacket caught on my watch and a secret compartment popped open.

Quickly before losing the kanji of his name I wrote it on the small piece of paper and closed back up the compartment. The desire to have it written was fulfilled. I watched on as if something was telling me that something would happen. It was exactly six minutes and 40 seconds later the hostages were running out screaming about a heart attack.

I was frozen to my spot. What in the world just happened? Did I do that? Did all I have to do was write down their name? Was that why the sickle turned into a pen? Then my dreams were real. Then the bodies around me were the bodies destined to die!

Suddenly my dreams were starting to make sense. I was so lost in the broadcast that I forgot about my cell phone ringing. Mindlessly I answered it. "Raito-kun, what did you do?"

I blinked as my mind processed the information. "Ryuzaki, I didn't do anything. I'm standing outside a store watching the news."

"Then you saw it. You saw Kira's work."

"What makes you so sure Kira is the one behind this?" I had to be sure. This could just be a complete set of coincidental events.

"Kira kills by heart attack."

"I'm telling you Ryuzaki I've done nothing wrong!" I hung up the phone. It was true. If I did kill him, then I did nothing wrong. He deserved to die. You couldn't hold people hostage and expect to get away with it. It wasn't fair. This world needed a level playing ground. If I was Kira, and I wish it were true, then justice needed to be served. Punishment needed to come down and strike those who would do wrong. This world needed to change.

I walked home feeling assertive and knew this world would have the cleansing it cried out for. I didn't know yet how to go about it. That was the last piece of the puzzle I needed to figure out.

Ryuzaki was waiting for me at my front steps. "We need to go back to head quarters. I need you to help me prove you're Kira."

"Ryuzaki, why in the world would I help you prove what or who I am not. I am not Kira. I am Yagami Raito, a straight-A university student with a bright future in the NCPO ahead of him. Why would I want to ruin that to help you prove something that is blatantly false?"

His cold, dark eyes bore into mine as he tried to find the missing link. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing what I know. That wouldn't be fun. I couldn't believe that I would ever be arguing over something this absurd in my entire life. It was a thrill. It was a game I enjoyed playing.

"Then will you come and at least aid the investigation?"

"Just ask me plainly. What you really want is me to be at the hotel so you can keep an eye out on me. If you tell me the truth, then I will possibly think about it." I stepped past him and walked toward the front door.

Ryuzaki placed himself between me and the front door. "Yes, I want you to stay beside me because there is something about you that I do not trust. You know something and you will not tell me; therefore, I have to insist that you be within my eyesight at all times."

I took a deep breath and sighed. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and sighed again. "I guess it can't be helped. I understand your reasoning, and I will comply with your demands."

The trip to the hotel was filled in silence. Ryuzaki was reading material and I was staring out at the scenery passing me by. It was interesting to see what would happen next. I felt all giddy and excited inside. When was the last time I felt like this? Sadly, I couldn't remember.

* * *

Ryuzaki was correct when he said he would be keeping an eye out on me, but seriously was watching me go to the bathroom necessary. The only thing I wanted to do in the bathroom was use the facilities.

Soon night settled and the "team" left for the evening, leaving Ryuzaki and myself alone. He continued to review notes and files while I was bored out of my tree. Television was not allowed to be viewed. All internet sites were blocked. All phones were recorded. Although, I did call my mother to inform her that I wouldn't be home.

Instead, all I could do was think. This was a game of cat and mouse. It was simple and yet so very complex. This was more than just getting the prey into the right spot, this was about the mind and the conquest. This was human nature at its very best.

I had already come to the conclusion I was Kira. I was fine with it. Now the greatest puzzle was the creature before me. He wasn't pleasing to the eyes, his thought process was erratic but generally right on the mark. His posture was atrocious, his eating habits were … god, did one need that much sugar?

Ryuzaki plopped another chocolate dipped brownie bite into his mouth. I almost shivered in disgust. His clothing needed to be burned and set to rest. He needed a shower and a long rest to cure his raccoon eyes.

Why would the old me get together with something like that? Then it hit me. The realization. To the old me, this was all a game. It made sense now. If this was a game, then I could always hit the reset button and move on.

But it was more than that. His mind was truly a scary thing. Once he was set on a certain path, he would follow it until he reached his desired answer then start all over again. No wonder he was so good at what he did.

I liked them smart, and I wasn't about to admit it, but he could be just as smart as I am. There had to be some sort of leverage. What did I have that he didn't (except everything)? "Ryuzaki" I deliberately purred his name from my lips.

It sounded so horribly wrong that I licked away the taste of his name from my lips. I watched as he turned around, noticing my actions and his eyes covered with a jaded lust. Bingo. I could feel the swelling of my victory dance before me.

The boy before me knew nothing about the ways of the flesh. This was absolutely perfect. I almost cackled in delight. Another piece of the puzzle was solved.

It couldn't be this easy. There was no way that a person at his age could be so oblivious to sex. I had to test out my theory. I stood and stalked my way towards him. I watched as his body and instincts were fighting each other. His body had seemingly known my touch and desired it, but his instincts were telling him to flee.

It was just as I had thought. I smiled, my arms clamped down on the sides of the chair pinning him to his spot. His knees grazed my chest as I lowered myself towards his lips. I felt a sigh relief itself from his lungs. His body started to shake in anticipation. All this was too priceless. I wanted to laugh.

My hand curled into his toughened hair and he nuzzled the appendage like a life saver. "Please Raito-kun." His lips were hot and moist against my palm. I wanted nothing more than to remove my hand and wipe it clean, but I was more curious to see where all this would lead.

My eyes darkened. This was amusing. "Please what?" I whispered darkly in his ear.

"Please tell me you remember me." His eyes laced with something indescribable.

My lips locked down on his. My tongue seared its way through his mouth, taking on the conquest. I broke off the kiss and he whimpered slightly at the loss of contact. "Would it matter if I did?"

"Yes. It would matter. You are the first friend I ever had."

I stood stunned momentarily as the words sunk in. I wondered just how far our so-called friendship had taken us. "Was I your first kiss and your first lover as well?"

Ryuzaki's bangs covered his eyes and he nodded. I chuckled and patted him on the head. I turned and made my way into the bathroom. "Where are you going?"

I gave him poignant look. "The bathroom to get ready for bed." I wanted so badly to add the 'duh' to the end of my sentence, but that would have been undignified.

"You still haven't answered my question."

I watched as his eyes slanted to cool calculating slits. Warning signs went off in my head. There was something about this look that sent chills down my spine. So this was the true persona of the detective before me. I could practically hear his thought process from here. "There is nothing to answer." I replied smoothly and shut the door behind me.

I counted to ten and as if on cue, the door was swung open and Ryuzaki stood staring at me. The façade of the coldness was gone. All that was left now was myself and a shell of desire and lust. It was time to push the limits and put the game to the test.

"Raito please, I need your answer." A desperate Ryuzaki had cornered me in the small hotel bathroom. His head buried in my chest, fearing the truth he was about to face.

"What?" I questioned him. His touch caused bugs to crawl under my skin. Luckily for him he couldn't see the disgust in my eyes. How pathetic he was.

"Raito," He paused, his heated breath could be felt through my cotton shirt. "Please Raito." His forehead rested against my chest. "It's been a month…" His voice trailed off into a faint whisper.

"What? What do you want me to say?" My tone was distant and cold. At this point I didn't care about keeping up supposed appearances. His vile, retched excuse for a human being was attached to my person and he wasn't about to let go. The game was fun when my skin wasn't crawling.

What's the harm in twisting the knife when it's already in a slowly fading heart?

"The truth."

A smirk appeared on my face. "Which truth are you looking for? The truth about me being Kira? The truth that you are wasting away—a former shell of what you were?" An estimated guess and a pregnant pause for dramatic effect, "Or the truth about us?"

"Love."

One simple word. One simple word that could cause people to move mountains or to drive people to kill. It was a word more powerful and deadly than war and hate combined.

My eyebrow rose in curiosity and disgust. Where and when had love ever played a factor in this game? "What I think about love?" I couldn't very well shatter his fragile heart. I had plans yet for that beating organ. Instead I responded, "It's a passion felt for your lover of the opposite sex. But that doesn't apply here."

His slender white hands shook slightly as he processed the rejection. His eyes flew towards mine. Clear confusion was written on his pale face. Sternly, I asked him, "What do you want?"

"Huh?"

"What do you want with me?" I asked again. Slowly his legs started to give out from under him. I could have been nice enough to embrace him to keep him from falling, but I wasn't that nice. I stared at his shining dull eyes. "To touch? To kiss?" Just the very thought was revolting enough. Sometimes I was a glutton for punishment.

"That's…" Ryuzaki's voice trailed off.

Calmly, I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Do you want to have sex? With a man?" Ryuzaki blushed and his eyes widened. I had hit the nail on the head.

"I want you, all of you. I want you to be near me all the time. I want to be the only one you see." His plea was maddening and very much pathetic. He had reduced himself to a desperate man craving for the affection of the one who couldn't remember him. Almost poetic.

"If you want sex, just say that's what you want. Why have any sort of relationship? Isn't that just an excuse?" I felt like I was in high school all over again.

"No, that's not it."

My eyes closed to hide the amusement hidden beneath them. "You want to have sex because you somehow 'care' for me?"

"Yes, yes I do, but it's more than that." His fistful of clothing pulled tightly against my skin.

"Now, now Ryuzaki, that's such a silly thing to say." I chastised him like a child. "What's the difference between liking someone and loving someone?" Before he could spout something pathetic I continued, "The only difference is whether you think the promise will last a lifetime. To begin with, why call it love in the first place? We can't form a binding relationship on my lost memories and your inexperience with love. I refuse to define love based off such temporary feelings." My eyes locked with his. He had to understand, and I wasn't about to stop until he saw it my way.

Ryuzaki shook his head in defeat. "You don't have to say it anymore. I want to touch, to kiss, to have sex. What other response could I give you and be sure I truly mean it?"

I smiled and laid on the charm. "I want to do whatever I can to make you feel good." I lowered myself to him. "When I think your eyes are on me, my heart beats faster." My fingers slid their way down his jean clad thigh.

"You also love me…?"

"Stop calling it love." I snarled and hit the floor beside him. "You'll ruin the mood." I unbuttoned my shirt and peeled it from my skin. "Love isn't necessary for sex. It's the same result either way. Waiting for love to reveal itself and justify one's actions is unproductive, even silly." I was practically purring and stalked my way towards his upper body. "So you can have sex without special feelings. Isn't that great?" The heat of my words teased his eardrum and my tongue flicked the outer lobe of his ear.

"Raito-kun, I don't understand what you're saying." He pulled my face away from his ear so he could look me directly in the eye.

"Would you like me to make myself 100 clear? Does it take a scholar to understand excitement? Haven't you felt it yourself? Sex is naturally designed to feel good, and it can be used simply for that purpose. Don't you think that's a great thing?"

Ryuzaki shook his head, "But what I feel for you is—"

"Don't say it again." I seethed and stood. The mood was all lost. I turned to walk out and was forcefully pulled down, smashing my head into the porcelain, stand alone sink. Everything was dizzy and I was seeing stars, but other than that I was alright. Blood gushed from the side of my head. I touched it gently and I could feel the liquid pouring from my newly developed head wound.

"I'll get Watari." Ryuzaki mumbled quickly as he ushered himself from the tiny enclosure.

I dragged myself to the toilet and leaned back against it. I threw my head back against the seat cover and laughed silently to myself. My bangs hid dark, smiling eyes, "I remember. I remember everything."


	10. Part x

Took long enough I know. Here it is. Enjoy.

Chapter 10

The bump on my head hurt. Granted it wasn't anything compared to being hit by a car…

Ryuzaki thought it best if I went to a hospital and got an MRI to make sure there was no hemorrhaging. I called him a hypochondriac and brushed him off. I didn't want to be examined again.

I wanted nothing more than to go home. I needed to have a moment or two without prying eyes or cameras recording my every move. I had stuff I needed to take care of. I needed a certain death god to give me a certain notebook.

Watari drove me home and checked over my head and eyes before letting me go inside. I suspect it was at Ryuzaki's insistence.

Once the front door was closed, I let out the deep breath I was holding. A giant smile graced my features. I wanted to laugh, but I knew my family was in another room somewhere in the house.

As it turned out I was right. My family was in the living room. Sayu was curled up on the couch with Mom watching some variety show and good ol' Dad was sitting at the kitchen table sifting over some files.

Everyone turned around to stare at me.

"What happened to you?" Sayu dashed off the couch and tried to touch the white bandage on my head. Naturally, I moved my head out from the path her hand was taking. Were all humans sadistic or was my sister the exception? I was thinking it was a genetic flaw that ran in the family when my mother blindsided me and touched it. I winced slightly at the rough abuse.

"It was nothing, just an accident." I answered seeing as the 'what' was fairly obvious. The 'what' was that my head was bashed in; that's the what.

"Were you in another lover's quarrel in some love motel again?" Sayu placed her hands on her hips as if she required a throughout explanation of everything. I gave her the 'I can't believe you told' look, to which she replied with the 'served you right' look.

I laughed. "You caught me." I held up my hands as I would do to a police officer.

"Oh My God Raito!" She squealed. "A girl finally got so mad at your playboy ways and went all possessive. I told you something bad was going to happen one of these days!" She started to tsk. And this was time to cue out the raging teenager who thought she was old enough to give me the mothering speech.

My father and I exchanged a glance. He knew who had done it. "I know and I was being cautious. The person snapped. I don't even know how or why it happened." I kept my eyes glued to my father.

"You're right Sayu." My gaze flickered quickly over to the teenager. "I fear for my safety, so I think it best if I not see this person." My gaze went back to my father. Inside I was cackling at my performance. I even had a few crocodile tears working at the sides of my eyes. My god, I was brilliant!

"I think you should stay away too, Raito." With an unspoken 'I'll do my best' attached.

The moment we shared was one of understanding. I wanted to break every code I had and hug my father for being so easy to string along. How I partially wished I was all alone so I could laugh full heartedly and not make my sheer enjoyment of this. This was so much better than what I could have hoped for.

My father asked me to join him in his study. I was glad to oblige. I wanted out of there. Sayu's stares were starting to turn over protecting and creepy for a little sister. The study's door closed softly behind my father as he entered behind me.

"What really happened? Don't give me the same lies you gave your sister."

I stared at him for a moment. Do I really tell him I'm having a repulsing sexual relationship with his boss, or do I keep that tidbit to myself? Instead, I went for partial truth. Well it could be considered full truth, depending on how you looked at it. "Ryuzaki jumped me in the bathroom and knocked me off balance and I hit my head on the sink." And that was full truth. The rest were minor details.

The look of horror on his face drove my next plan home. I knew just by his expression that he would take my side and do his best to see that his precious son was kept out of the hands of a mad man. "Why would he do that?" His question was logical, but I had already planned his conversation out. Complete with fool proof reasoning.

I took a seat in front of his desk and let out a heavy sigh. "He didn't believe me when I said I couldn't remember him. I mean, I don't. I want to, but…" Tears from the buildup of stress started to sting my eyes. "I'm sorry, but if my memory of him is the price I have to pay to save an elderly lady, then so be it."

I could feel the acting rolling off my skin like a fine aged wine. Crying was hard, but tearing up was slightly easier than I expected. "I mean, I had no clue who he was. Had it not been for you, I wouldn't have helped him out. I know nothing about him. For all I know is that he could be Kira and because of my trust in you I took that chance to work with him. Look what good it did me?" I reasoned and pointed to the bandage on my head.

My father slumped in the large leather seat reserved for him. I could see the age and the worry creeping in his eyes. He was tired. Perhaps, some day, he could take a vacation with Mom to somewhere where no one's heard of Kira. Until then he would have to hold on out a little longer.

If it ever came down to a choice between my father's health or me being Kira, then the decision wasn't all that hard. Kira came first. My father was just one person, one cop. There wasn't much he could do and with all the laws restricting him…

Being Kira was a duty. Just like my father's job was being an officer of the NCPO. We were both duty bound by our ideals, our morals, and our codes. I was further driven by Justice. People needed a voice, and I was their human god.

I waited a few moments to get up from my chair. I had to give him time for everything to sink in. "Leave the investigation to me Raito. I'll handle Ryuzaki. Just go and rest up."

"Thank you." I told him as I left the office. I made my way back to my room without incident. My grin was malicious and vindictive. I loved and respected my father, but there were times when he forgot he was my father and stepped into police mode all too easily.

Yes, I was a member of the team, but I was a compromised member. I shouldn't have been allowed back. Well, not until my memories came back. Sadly, they needed me so badly that they couldn't see how much I was a hindrance instead of helpful. What good was an investigator with no memory of the investigation?

But that small side trip was amusing. "Ryuuk, get your ugly hide in here. I need the death note. I have work to do."

Chuckling came from the ceiling. The death god appeared and handed me back the notebook. He was talking to me, telling me how much he enjoyed the show. I gave him no regards but started to get to work.

Names were researched and written down. Tonight I was going all out. Names, dozens of them, were being scribbled down on the notebook. I gave no care to how they died, simply that they did. I had less than 5 minutes left to write down all the names and store the notebook away.

Twenty-three names in total. I slipped the notebook back into the compartment and quickly got undressed and slipped into the sheets. I wasn't pleased with the amount of names. I should have had done more. I should have made it to at least fifty before my hand started to cramp. But what I got was a good enough start, I suppose, for a "welcome back Kira" event.

I opened my ongoing literature novel. It's the one I wanted to read before I went to bed. It was better than any sleeping pill. One chapter and I was mentally exhausted from the lack of imagery, plot, character development and everything else that made up a story. Not even half down the page my phone started vibrating.

Time was up. I answered the phone knowing full well who it was. "Hello?" I made my voice sound timid, unsure. It was a feat, but somehow, I succeeded.

"We need you here. Now." The phone hung up. I blinked a few times at the irritable buzz coming from the phone. Usually he would at least say something more pathetic than that. I partially frowned and hung up the phone and continued to read the book.

I was sound asleep less than twenty minutes later. I wasn't kidding when I said the book was a total snore!

I felt something poking me with a pen. I pretended to be asleep as my brain took in everything that that happening.

Someone was on my bed.

Someone that shouldn't have been there. Someone I shouldn't be remembering. What makes him think the second time will work? Whoever said, 'If you don't succeed, try, try again' should be shot, repeatedly. Better yet, from a 'motivational' poster I once saw, 'If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.'

I knew exactly who was in my bedroom poking me with a pen. My god, how I wanted to get up and open the drawer and scribble his name all over the death note. Ryuzaki was calling my name over and over again. "Kira…Kira, wake up Kira."

"That better not be you Lawliet. It can't be, he knows better than to poke people with pens." I muttered back at him, still pretending to be asleep. The temperature in the room easily dropped 20 degrees as the hot air was sucked out of Ryuzaki's lungs.

I felt the pen bounce off the bed and bounce onto the floor, now completely disregarded.

I quashed the urge to laugh victoriously and savor the expression that was on his face. My eyes were still closed, but I could taste the fear and panic that was rolling off him in waves. With one great push he shoved me into the bed. My body did a rather large involuntary bounce on the mattress.

It was show time.

I pretended to be frantically startled. When I officially opened my eyes, I saw a terrified Ryuzaki standing in front of me. Frightened, I curled into a ball and pushed my back into the furthest corner possible from him.

"Please, I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you want, just don't hurt me anymore!" I wanted to vomit my own words. I sounded so helpless and so weak. For added show, I struggled to rock back in forth while my body shivered.

"What did you say?" Ryuzaki asked dangerously low.

"Please don't hurt me." My voice quivered hinting fear. I scurried like a frightened animal into the corner. The very act was unlike me. I never showed weakness, it made me sick. But here I was putting on another show for the man in front of me. My head resting between my knees; it was such a demeaning pose –it was one females did then they were insecure. It hid the shaking of my upper torso. It wasn't shaking due to fear but due to me laughing at the ludicrous behavior I was projecting.

L wanted me to pay for my crimes, Ryuzaki wanted me to love him, while I wanted the monotonous days of blah blah blah to end.

Being Kira was more than just a hobby, it was my destiny. I held no illusions of my future. This 'job' was going to kill me. It would have been the same no matter where I worked or in which division. I watched my father as he slowly killed himself for his duty to his country. I knew I was headed for the same fate. If all roads lead to the same place, then why not take the one that served a greater purpose? The path of least resistance.

I raised my head and looked at the terrified little man. That was the difference between us. This job didn't make me scared of anything. I wasn't afraid of death, dying, retribution, karma or of the death god floating above my bed watching us.

He, Ryuzaki, was petrified of his own mortality.

"Ryuzaki, go away and leave me in peace." I gently rubbed my head. "What I need is to heal not deal with you or your organization."

He countered, "What you need is to be with us to prove that you're Kira."

I laughed. I genuinely laughed. "No what you want is concrete data that will hold up in any court. I can tell you who I am. I can tell you who and what and where and how and even why. But both of us know it's circumstantial at best. I would be painted as the innocently accused and you would be the evil vile L, whom no one could ever trust." I smiled knowing he was at a loss. "Besides, most were a heart attack; natural causes. Plus, I have an alibi for almost, if not, all of them. Then there's the murder weapon—"

"Many have been convicted without them." Ryuzaki interjected. "Which is why you need to come with me and help prove who you are."

"Tell me, why on Earth would I want to do that?" My smirk was clear as day.

"You need to absolve and pay for your crimes so we can be together."

I couldn't help it. I laughed even more. For a second I thought I would wake everyone in the house.

"How about we be together and execute justice as Kira? You want to be together so bad, then join me. Come with me and we can rule the world together. Together we can be unstoppable. Think of all the good we can do."

"Good?" Ryuzaki whispered and backed away from me. "How can you call being Kira—murdering all those people—good?" His skin paled considerably making him look almost transparent.

"And how can you call working for a corrupt legal system good? If our system was so good then why are murderers and rapists and extortionists set free? How can that be good?" I seethed. It wasn't a hard concept to grasp!

"At least I'm not committing murder. I can sleep soundly at night knowing I'm doing the right thing." Ryuzaki voiced his convictions. I highly doubted he even slept, let alone soundly.

"I sleep just fine too. You should know, you've watched me sleep often enough. Despite all these 'supposed' murders I've committed, I sleep just as soundly—if not better than before." My smile darkened; I was taunting him.

"You're walking dangerously close to the edge Raito." Ryuk warned. He was right. Ryuzaki could have listening devices and cameras and I was walking straight into them. I didn't care. Catch me, punish me or don't, it was of no consequence.

I had two options: kill Ryuzaki and continue being Kira or come to an end game. Killing Ryuzaki meant he would cease to exist, which was good. But it would mean there would be a new L or X or Z or whomever to eventually come and take his place. I held no disillusions; Ryuzaki wasn't the first, last or greatest detective from wherever he came from.

The real question was did I have the time, patience, drive and resources to through a lifetime of rounds being Kira? I was bored of this round. Could I sustain the rest of my life seeking the end game and eternal justice? There would always be an endless supply of people to kill. It was time for me to debate my next move. And for that I didn't want to have Ryuzaki watching my every move. I needed a few days.

"You remember everything don't you?" His eyes slanted the workings of L in full force.

"If I say yes will you leave?"

"And if I don't?"

"Then L" I addressed the detective, "We might have to see what Kira would do with Lawiet." My eyes darkened, watching his fear glaze over his eyes. Then the fear took back seat as I watched his calculating façade take precedence. He was weighing his options.

"We will discuss this later." L stood knowing full well he was at the disadvantage.

"No." I grinned. "No we won't." Left via the bedroom door and didn't even give me a fleeting glance as he left.

Finally! Some peace and quiet.

I returned to my bed for some badly needed rest. I had to admit, that was actually somewhat fun.


End file.
